21 Questions For A New Relationship To Understand Your Partner Better

The start of a new relationship is a time of excitement, joy, and adventure. Whether you’ve just met a brand new person and clicked with them immediately, or you and a friend have sparked some romance, the early stages of a relationship can make your heart skip a beat with passion and love.

Still, while this is a time of joy, excitement and quality time, new relationships can also be a time of feeling nervous and feeling anxious with anticipation about what the future holds.

In this article, we’ll outline 21 questions for a new relationship. These relationship questions will help you get to know your partner in a way that brings you two closer together and may even offer insight into the future of the relationship!

Read on to discover some interesting and fun questions to ask your partner! Whether it is a new relationship or serious relationship, this article will help to ensure that you are on the same page.

21 Questions For A New Relationship That You Should Ask

1. What is your dream job?

Some of us are fortunate enough to be working our dream jobs. However, more of us are still working toward that goal. Asking your partner about their dream job can offer a lot of insight into who they are.

Not only does it highlight what they deeply care about, but it also offers insight into how much they’re working toward it. Further, it might turn out that you have shared interests regarding your respective dream jobs, which can bring you closer together.

2. Do you have recurring dreams?

Dreams are a source of significant personal insight. Many of us reflect on our dreams, and more so on recurring dreams. Asking your new partner about their recurring dreams or simply their favorite or least favorite dreams is a great way to gain insight into their deepest thoughts and feelings.

Bear in mind that it may take some people more time than others to feel comfortable to speak openly about their dreams. Still, if your partner is willing to share, this is a great way to bond.

3. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do?

Here’s where you get insight into your new partner’s imagination. Ask them what they would do if money were not an issue. Maybe they’d like to travel the world, open a business, or donate a million dollars to charity. Whatever their answer, you’re sure to learn about them with this fun question.

4. How do you define intimacy?

Each of us has a different view of what intimacy is. For some people, intimacy is purely about sex. For others, it’s about the build-up to sex, and for others, it’s about emotional connection and support often displayed through love languages. How your new partner defines intimacy will teach you a lot about how to be intimate with them, strengthening the new relationship.

21 Questions For A New Relationship, questions for a new relationship,

5. Have you ever cheated? Been cheated on?

This new relationship question might be taboo, but it’s an interesting one to ask. Ask your partner if they’ve ever cheated on anyone? How do they feel now about that experience? Or have they ever been cheated on in past relationships, and how do they feel now about that experience?

It’s important to establish early in the relationship both of your views on cheating. Some people find it easy to forgive, while for others, cheating is an undeniable deal breaker. Figure out where you both stand on the topic to make your views clear in case it happens. 

6. How do you feel about your family?

Are they close to their family? Do they have a favorite sibling? Or any siblings? Do they come from a big or small family? And how did it influence them when they were growing up? Do they like their family, or are there rifts and distance that keep the family separate?

7. How was your childhood?

What was it like growing up in their family? In their hometown? In their country? Did they enjoy their childhood, or was it difficult? How did they find a school? Were they engaged and eager, or could they not wait to get out of there? Questions about your new partner’s childhood and teenage years are great because they’re rich in material.

There are always fun, sad, exciting, or strange stories to recount about our past that can bring a new relationship much closer together.

8. How do you feel about sex?

The inevitable new relationship question. Whether you ask directly or just see what happens, you’re going to learn about your new partner’s sexual habits, views, and even their romantic fantasy sooner or later. The most important thing to remember if you want to ask about sex is to make sure that your partner is comfortable talking about it.

Various cultural, religious, familial, and personal factors influence how people approach the topic of sex. Perhaps your partner has a plan on waiting for a period of time. This is a great question to ask because it puts you both on the same page with sexual expectations in the relationship.

If you’re both comfortable talking about it, ask your partner what they like under the sheets. This can be a fun conversation that will likely elicit some giddy laughter, so put it all out there and see what happens!

9. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

It’s important that we can identify and acknowledge our successes and failures. Being able to accurately identify what we are good at and where we could improve is a sign of emotional maturity, an important trait to bring into any new relationship.

Similarly, you might ask: if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

10. What’s your biggest fear?

Our biggest fears are often the root causes of most of our insecurities. By understanding what your new partner fears the most, you’ll be better equipped to approach confrontation with their mental health and well-being in mind.

You’ll be more knowledgeable about their inner experience, allowing you to show more compassion when the time comes to have a confrontation.

11. What are your favorite books/movies/tv-shows?

Are they a Friends fan? Do they like Lord of the Rings, or do they prefer Pirates of the Caribbean? Maybe you’re both watching the latest season of the Queen’s Gambit on Netflix and could start watching it together?

Getting to know your new partner’s favorite movies, tv shows, and books is a fun way to bond. Even if you disagree about how good something is, you can always laugh about it!

12. Are you religious? Spiritual?

The ‘God’ question is big, and some people don’t want to talk about it. Others are happy to talk for hours about how a person can imagine God or how they feel about different religions and spiritual practices.

It’s important to understand your partner’s religious views because they may influence how they view relationships, sex, and even marriage. Do you have different religious views? If you do have different views, how will that affect the relationship?

13. What do you like to do in your spare time?

What does your new partner like to do when they have time for themselves? Do they like to read? Do they volunteer in their local community? Do they struggle to find any spare time at all because they work a lot?

Figure out what your new partner likes to do in their spare time to get more familiar with their personality? Perhaps they could take you with them next time they’re doing their favorite hobby, such as fishing, mountain climbing, or going to art galleries.

14. What are your relationship deal-breakers?

What is the one thing that someone could do that would make you want to end the relationship? Is it cheating? Is it being disrespectful to your friends and family? Is it ignoring calls and text messages?

Whatever your new partner’s relationship deal breakers, it’s important to become familiar with them, so you can know what to expect in the future if something controversial happens.

21 Questions For A New Relationship, questions for a new relationship,

15. When was the last time you cried?

Ask this new relationship question with compassion. This is a deeply personal question, and if your new partner is willing to share, they’ll be letting you in on their soft spots. Don’t take that lightly!

It can be daunting to be vulnerable with others, especially around things that are emotionally evocative to us, so respect the fact that they’re willing to share. If they’re willing, ask them about the last time they cried and why they did so.

16. What’s on your bucket list?

All of us have a bucket list of things we’d like to do before we die. Some people want to travel the world, and others want to start a family.

Some people want to start a business by age 30, while others want to try every country’s national dish one day. There are so many possible bucket list ideas that this question might keep you talking for hours!

17. What are your goals?

Does your new partner have a five-year goal or five year plan? A ten-year goal? Their goals will reflect their values and dreams, so this question will provide a lot of insight into who they really are.

18. Do you have any regrets?

Is there something that bugs your new partner about something they did (or didn’t do) in the past? Do they have any regrets about how they treated someone or what they studied? This is a very personal question, so if you decide to ask it, make sure you’re also able to offer compassion and support.

19. What’s your favorite holiday?

Ask your new partner about their favorite holiday? Is Christmas their favorite time of year? Or do they prefer to dress up in a scary costume for Halloween? Are they romantically inclined and like to go all out on Valentine’s day?

20. How do you like to spend your birthday?

Some people love to make a big deal about their birthday, inviting friends around for food and drinks and going for a big night out. Other people like to have a quiet birthday with one or two close friends, and a nice meal. Either way, learning about your new partner’s birthday preferences will help you give them what they really want when the time comes.

21. The big question…

Marriage? Children? These are big questions and may not always be appropriate for a new relationship, but you can ask them in such a way that doesn’t leave a human-shaped hole in your doorframe.

If you want to ask your new partner how they feel about marriage and children, make sure to let them know that you’re asking out of curiosity not because you want to rush them.

Some people are sure about not wanting to get married or have kids, while others are open to the idea. People’s opinions can even change depending on their partner and how safe and secure they feel.

How Well Do You Know Me Questions

Below are some questions that you can ask your partner to determine how well they know you:

  1. What are my insecurities?
  2. What food would I not eat?
  3. What is the simplest thing that makes me happy?
  4. If I could visit another country, what would it be?
  5. What is the thing you know about me that no-one else knows?
  6. What is my ideal career?
  7. Which habit would I never try to quit?
  8. How do you know if I am nervous?
  9. What is my favorite beverage?
  10. What is my favorite outfit?
  11. Which animal frightens me the most?
  12. Do I prefer to live in a big city or a small town?
  13. What is my biggest regret?
  14. What are the three things I always bring with me?
  15. What does retirement look like to me?
  16. Do I speak any other languages?
  17. What genre of film do I love most?
  18. What food do I usually cook?
  19. Who is my favorite fictional character?
  20. What is one thing I should work on changing?
  21. What activity do I enjoy doing during my spare time?
  22. What am I like as a friend?
  23. Who do I admire most?
  24. What would my ideal day off look like?
  25. Where do I usually spend my money?

Hot Seat Questions

Here are some hot seat questions you and your partner can ask each other to learn more about each other:

  1. Who was your first love? What made them stand out during that time?
  2. Have you experienced heartbreak? Describe it.
  3. What is are your expectations about a relationship that does not existing in our relationship?
  4. Did your dreams when you were a child change when you grew up?
  5. What do you feel makes you different from everyone else?
  6. How do you handle anger and arguments?
  7. If you become a millionaire, what would you prioritize buying?
  8. Do you have a question for me that you never had the chance to ask?
  9. What makes you uncomfortable?
  10. What is one childhood experience you would like to revisit?
  11. What are the qualities you find most desirable?
  12. What was the craziest thing you did before we met?
  13. Do you think you are living your dreams?
  14. Who becomes jealous more easily? Is it you or me?
  15. What are some items on your bucket list?
  16. What is the weirdest dream you ever had?
  17. Is there something that makes you remember me when we are not together?
  18. Have you ever experienced or been in a physical fight?
  19. Can you tolerate a white lie? What does a white lie mean to you?
  20. Who did you first say, “I love you?” to? Were you sincere about it?
  21. Do you believe that destiny brought us together?
  22. If you could amend a law, which law would it be? Please elaborate.
  23. What failure made you grow the most?
  24. When you’re stressed, how do you unwind?
  25. What is your funniest experience?


Have some fun with these questions and see where the conversation goes. Try not to let your new partner feel like they are being drilled or that this is some kind of test they have to pass.

Simply enjoy the conversation and take the opportunity to bond more and get to know your partner better. Also, ask your partner if they have any relationship questions they would like to ask you in return.

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