Ghosting is the act of removing oneself from another person’s life by not replying to their texts, not answering their calls—making a great effort to avoid them. Ghosting is the term for avoiding a person after some connection has already been made, typically physically and emotionally intimate in nature.
If you have been a victim of ghosting, you know how confusing and frustrating it can be. You think you have found someone you can have fun with or have an intimate and serious relationship with. You have met someone you are physically attracted to and who displayed interest in you. You guys hang out for a while. Maybe you have had a few great dates or you text without ever meeting through dating applications or websites, and things seem to be going well.
You feel like you are on the same page, yet one conversation becomes the last to happen between you two without your knowledge. The other person decides to stop replying. They do not take your calls, and your message is read but not responded to or not even opened. You do not see the person where you usually expect to see them. It is as though they have disappeared, as though they were a ghost, and the connection you thought you had now felt like it never even existed.
This article will address the best ghosting responses and how you should respond to someone that behaves this way.
How Many Days Is Ghosting?
You are considered ghosted if you have not received any messages from the person for three days. There might be an emergency that happened to them, but extending the period up to three days with no updates given to you is often an indication that you have been ghosted.
Why Do People Ghost?
People ghost each other for various reasons. We often consider a ghost to be a ‘bad‘ or immature person because they could not demonstrate the maturity to let you know they are not interested anymore. However, sometimes ghosting does not come from being a bad person. Sometimes people do not know how to communicate uncomfortable feelings or emotions, or they do not know how to deal with conflict, such as the conflict of interest that you like them while they want to discontinue the relationship you have developed together.
For example, a person who struggles with anxiety might ghost you to cope with the discomfort of ‘breaking up‘ because if they tell you, it might make them anxious and elicit symptoms of a panic attack. At other times the person incorrectly assumes that you are not that interested and is afraid of rejection, so they reject you first.
What Is Wrong with Ghosting?
Whatever the reason, whether it is anxiety, fear of conflict, or an incorrect assumption, there is no excuse to mistreat someone. Anyone can lose interest in another person, regardless of whether they have been dating for three weeks or three years. What matters most is not whether or not we have lost interest; instead, how we communicate what is happening to that other person. Whether it is a committed relationship or casual relationship, the most important thing we can do is communicate what is going on. To speak or the willingness to try is a sign of emotional maturity and promotes a better quality of life.
1. Ghosting Is Hurtful
Ghosting can be incredibly upsetting when both people have shared intimacy. Many people are particularly vulnerable and go to a deeply personal place when they have sex, and for those of us who feel that way, we need to know that the person with whom we connect is trustworthy and has our best interests at heart. It can be heartbreaking when we open up to somebody physically and intimately, and they later ghost us. It is less about the individual because we realize they were already like this, and it is more about the sense of disappointment that follows the ghosting experience.
2. Ghosting Is Disrespectful
What makes ghosting a lot worse is when the person eventually comes back. They have ghosted you, and you have had to go through the confusion and frustration of the experience, but now they are back and want your time and attention again. Many of us fall into the trap of giving this person what they want again because we focus too heavily on the things we enjoyed and tend to forget about how they treated us poorly.
Here is the real challenge with dealing with ghosting. All of the negative feelings that come up can be somehow forgotten about when the ghost reappears. However, if they ghosted us before, they might do it again, and we will find ourselves dealing with lost connection, frustration, anger, and disappointment once again.
How to Make a Guy Regret Ghosting You
When a guy ghosts you, it is normal to feel hurt. You may have felt a strong connection with him, but now it feels like you do not even matter anymore. Even if you already understand that your worth is far greater than his interest in you, the sense of disappointment that comes with a withered emotional connection can be hard to deal with.
1. Accept Your Feelings
In addition to the sadness and disappointment, you might also feel angry at the person who ghosted you. You might want to call them out for their childish behavior and tell them to grow up. During and following a ghosting experience, it is wise to keep your ground.
Remember, even though ghosting can be a coping mechanism to avoid conflict, it is also disrespectful, and those who do it are aware of that fact. As such, show yourself the respect those people have failed to show you. Allow yourself to control your emotions and behavior. Take control over your feelings by accepting and releasing them.
2. Ghost Him Back
Ghosting often happens when the ghost feels like a connection could become more serious, and they are not ready for it yet. Not being prepared happens to all of us, but the mature and grounded among us deal with it respectfully and let others know where they stand.
If a person ghosts you, it may be because they are no longer interested, but it might also be because they do not want anything serious. Still, the quality and dynamic of such a relationship, even if casual, depends on the quality of communication. Their disregard for your emotions when they ghosted you not only indicates their aversion to a healthy adult relationship—it also suggests a lack of the required emotional maturity.
As such, do not stress yourself out over someone who is not ready for you. Still, try a perspective shift first if your empathy kicks in and you want to tell those people how you feel. Texting or calling or hanging out with them to tell them how you feel teaches them that they can ghost you and still take your time and energy.
You can teach a much more valuable and longer-lasting lesson by not responding to his texts if he has already ghosted you but now wants you again. Do the same thing he did, and he will get a sense of how it feels.
3. Be Honest with Him
If he has come back for more after ghosting you, remember that you do not need to tolerate it. You could ghost him back, as mentioned above, but you could also take the opportunity to enlighten him on his bad behavior. Sure, it is not your job to help him become more emotionally mature, but consider it a deed for the greater good. The more we can show each other how much influence we have emotionally, the kinder we might eventually treat each other.
When he has disappeared into thin air but then magically reappears, do not be afraid to call him out for being a ghost. You do not have to carry on like you were not upset to save face. Own your sadness. Own your disappointment and sense of betrayal. Do not betray yourself by pretending like you were not hurt and invalidating your feelings just for someone else’s attention.
4. Focus On Yourself
The best revenge is self-improvement. Ghosting can be incredibly frustrating when you are the victim. Still, the more time you spend worrying about the infinite reasons that person did not reply to your texts or stopped wanting to meet up, the more you waste your precious energy on somebody who may not even be worth it. More often than not, a ghost is well able to reply to you or to let you know that they are no longer interested—they simply choose not to.
As such, do not waste any more time worrying about them. Shift your focus to yourself. Is there anything you have put on the back burner in your life because you have been too focused on relationships? Are there existing relationships in your life that could do with some more nourishment, that have been lacking in that nourishment because you worry about people who do not respect you enough, to be honest with you?
The guy that ghosted you is sure to regret his decision when he sees that you are getting on just fine without him. The more independent and growth-oriented you become, the more those around you will notice, and that ghost may realize what he missed out on.
What To Text After Being Ghosted: Use These Best Ghosting Responses
So, you have met a guy, you got along great, but now he has ghosted you. You go through some mental gymnastics to figure out why. You might even blame yourself. But now he is back. He is texting you again without any explanation why he suddenly disappeared, and his request for your time lacks any sign of an apology for the blatant disrespect of leaving you hanging dry.
Below we provide some ghosting responses that you can use today or save for later!
1. ‘This isn’t going to work if you think you can go silent on me without telling me. I want to be with someone who respects me more than that.’
Sometimes the best response is to call the person out. You do not have to let your anger loose or even make a big deal out of the situation. All you need to do is send them a clear message that you do not like their behavior and need more respect if you entertain them further.
2. ‘I felt hurt when you ghosted me. I would have appreciated more honesty.’
Even if you decide to give that person another chance, it is important to speak up about how they made you feel. It may have been a genuine mistake, and they now see the opportunity of their behavior. Teach people how to treat us through how we treat ourselves. If you do not speak about your feelings, you risk teaching someone that your feelings do not matter.
3. ‘I don’t mind if you need space, but you should let me know. I felt confused and upset, so I’d rather not hang out anymore.’
There are so many great people, so understand that you do not need to settle for someone who does not treat you right. It might feel uncomfortable at first to put your foot down, set a boundary, and stop hanging out with that person you like, but in time you will realize it was the best thing to do. Sure, people change, but generally, if someone ghosts you once or twice, that is not a good sign for the rest of the relationship.
4. ‘I’m letting you know that I’m not interested anymore. You could have let me know how you felt directly instead of ghosting me.’
Do what they failed to do and be honest about how you feel. Lead by example and share how you feel, even though it might make them feel uncomfortable. That brief discomfort they feel is far better than what they did to you, leaving you feeling confused and even wondering if something bad had happened to them. Teach them how they should treat people. It is not your job to do that, but sometimes putting people in their place is a way of paying it forward to other potential victims of this person’s tendencies to ghost.
5. ‘I like you, but ghosting is childish, and I don’t want that energy in my life. Try not to do that to someone again. It’s better to let people know where they stand with you.’
Even if you guys seemed like a good match, respect is key. If everything else seems great: you are having fun, there is sexual chemistry, and you laugh together, but that core respect is not there, it is best to move on sooner rather than later. The good times can be so tempting, but in the months that follow, you might feel hurt by his lack of respect and kick yourself for not seeing that behavior two and a half weeks after he ghosted and then texted you back.
6. ‘What happened?’
If you have got the patience, ask the ghost why they ghosted you in the first place. Now, be prepared for a thousand potential excuses. They might tell you they were super busy with their family or that they are dealing with an ex. They might say that work has been hectic or that they texted you before, but you must not have received the message.
Most of the time, these excuses are plain excuses. Sure, they may have been busy, but how long does it take to type out a quick text? The best explanation for the ghosting, which is likely genuine, is the admission that they were disrespectful.
Sometimes our feelings for someone can be so overwhelming and intimidating that we disappear for a while. It is not fair, but it happens. If they can explain their behavior to you in that way, without you first showing them anger or disappointment, they may very well be genuine, and it is up to you to give them another chance. Still, be cautious of the boy who cried wolf.
7. ‘You waited too long. Bye.’
Short and to the point. The ghost already knows how long it has been since they last spoke to you. They might try to be sneaky about it, feigning ignorance about how long it has been, but if you have your wits about you, you will know they are just playing another game. You can tell them that their game was unsuccessful by keeping your final message short and to the point. Ghosting did not work. You are less interested in them now than before, and you are genuinely content to have them in your life no longer.
It is not always easy to navigate the complexities of modern romance. Sometimes you look for a man and only find boys, unable to own their behavior and instead play games. Though it is frustrating, understand that there are many great people out there, and you do not need to settle for less. If someone disrespects you by leaving you waiting for a response, focus on yourself first. In doing so, only the people who are ready to be mature and respectful with you will be in your life.