Could he be the one destined for me?
All of us want to find that special someone, that person who’ll be in it with us for the long haul, the person who’s not only our future husband but our best friend and partner in crime.
In this article, we’ll look at some telling signs he’s the one for you. Remember that your relationship may not show all of these signs yet, which doesn’t mean he’s not the one.
Still, when a relationship starts to include the signs below, no matter how long it takes, that’s a pretty clear indication that this will be a long-lasting relationship.
How do you know he’s the one?
When the one enters your life, it’s not hard to tell. The confidence and assurance you have about that person, your love for him, and his love for you eliminate doubts about this person’s role in your life.
You know that a life with this person wouldn’t jeopardize your peace of mind and level of life satisfaction.
However, sometimes the one shows up, but we can’t tell just yet. Perhaps we’re afraid of committing to the wrong person, or we’re still learning about ourselves and our wants and needs in a relationship.
So, when you’re struggling to tell if he’s the one or not, consider the signs we’ve included below.
These are not clear signs that you should commit to this person, but if these signs show up, then that’s a good indicator that you two have a healthy relationship worth investing in.
Signs he’s the one
He may be The One if:
1. You both want the same things
A great sign that this person is the one for you is that you both want the same things in your future.
Couples can love each other now, but when future goals and dreams differ too much, there is usually an end date.
If this is someone with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life, then you should be on the same page about certain things, such as career compatibility, children, and financial goals.
Of course, you don’t need to agree on everything, but your future plans should complement each other.
2. You can compromise
It’s normal for couples to have different goals and ideals, but the most important thing is that you work together to keep both parties happy and fulfilled in the relationship.
Compromise and respect for each other’s wishes are two critical factors in a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
3. You love to spend time together
Almost needless to say, the one for you is someone you love spending time with. When you’re happy to see them in the morning, looking forward to seeing them when they’re not around, and grateful to lie down with them at night, that’s a good sign.
4. You can spend time apart
Understand that it’s normal and healthy for couples to spend time apart. Just because you may be apart doesn’t mean that you two don’t love spending time together.
His willingness to take time apart is a good sign that he’s the one because it means he respects you and the relationship and wants to keep it healthy.
5. You have healthy conflicts
Sometimes we worry that conflict means the relationship isn’t working. The truth is that no healthy relationship exists without at least some conflict.
Both partners are unique individuals, and with the sharing of time and space, you two are bound to have different views and opinions on things from time to time.
Conflict is not a problem in a relationship. The problem, or lack thereof, lies in how you both deal with that conflict.
The right person for you is the one who is willing to enter into conflict with you but does so from a place of love and compassion.
Some people sacrifice their individuality and authentic feelings to keep a relationship going. People who act as such are not healthy partners because sooner or later, they’ll come to resent you for their lack of self-love and compassion.
As such, someone who enters a healthy conflict with you by standing their ground and accepting your truth is a healthy partner. It means they love themselves enough to set boundaries and stand up for themselves.
When someone can love themselves that much, they’re more able to love you too.
6. He gets along with your friends and family
Long-term partners need to get along with each other’s friends and family members.
In a more causal relationship, it’s less important that you two can enjoy the other people in each other’s lives because there’s no plan (yet) to spend your lives together.
However, if a life together is a shared vision, then you will spend a lot of time around each other’s other people.
Before you make any big commitment to this man, find out if he’s husband material by assessing his relationship with other people in your life. If he’s the one for you, either he’ll get along well with your friends and family, or he’ll at least make a reasonable effort to do so.
If he doesn’t make an effort in that regard, he doesn’t entirely accept you as a person, which means he’s certainly not the one.
7. He’s kind
Almost needless to say, an essential condition for The One is that he’s kind, loving, and compassionate. Considering that you may end up spending your life with him, wouldn’t you want that person to be kind and compassionate?
Some make excuses for partners who are less than kind. We love them, so we forgive them quickly and are hesitant to accept flaws in their character. We figure that a partner who is unkind to us is simply acting that way because they’re tired or stressed.
We understand that they have a lot going on in their lives, and we want to be loving and supportive partners.
However, if you find that you’re always making such excuses for him, it may just be that he’s not a kind person. Perhaps he was full of kindness at the beginning of the relationship.
Still, if it fades when he gets comfortable, that kindness was a façade, a manipulative effort to get you into the relationship.
A genuinely kind partner will retain their kindness throughout the relationship. Even when they’re tired and stressed and can’t offer you much attention, they’ll still behave with compassion because they truly love you.
8. You feel a deep connection
The man who will be your ‘one’ is someone with whom you feel an incredibly deep connection.
Having fun, a healthy sex life, and encouraging each other’s happiness are all a welcome mix to a relationship. Still, a deeper connection between lasting couples helps them get through those times that aren’t fun, when the physical connection isn’t the same as usual, or when one or both partners go through dark times.
In her book Rethink Love: 3 Steps to being the one, attracting the one, and becoming one, author and relationship expert Monica Berg explains that “when you can connect to their internal aspect, your connection with them will continue regardless of physical hardships or obstacles. You are connected to their soul, which transcends the physical.”
9. You help each other grow
The most significant sign that he’s the one for you is that you help each other grow. Sometimes when we’re single, we hope for a loving partner to enter our lives and offer us love, support, and compassion.
A problem common to many relationships is that after the initial excitement (the honeymoon phase) fades, both partners get too comfortable and stop seeking opportunities to grow.
Too much comfort can be the death of a relationship. You two get attached and enter a tunnel vision perspective of your life based on your relationship with that person.
A healthy partner, one with whom a long-term relationship is a good idea, is someone who constantly encourages you to grow and whom you also encourage to grow. We keep growing until the end of our lives, so make sure the person with whom you spend your life is growth-oriented.
10. You’re both independent
Independence between two partners makes for a great relationship. It’s normal to depend on each other for some things, such as shared responsibilities and loving affection, but you choose that dependence consciously.
Too much dependence on a partner jeopardizes the quality of the relationship. It’s vital that both partners feel free to live their own lives without having to worry that the other partner will suffer as a result.
When one has to worry about the other’s feelings when the first is simply living in their authentic selves, that dynamic is sure to lead to resentment, and resentment rots away at relationships from the inside.
Partners who are each other’s ‘one’ will feel complete and enjoy the cherry on top of the other person’s presence in their lives.
What happens when you meet the love of your life?
Many of us imagine that when you meet the love of your life, you’ll get butterflies in your stomach. You’ll feel nervous, and your heart will start racing.
However, when you’re with the real ‘one,’ the love of your life, you don’t necessarily feel butterflies. You’ll feel safe and calm when you’re around The One for you. You’ll be yourself because that person is a safe space for you to be authentic.
Is he the one?
Healthy, lasting relationships take time to develop.
When you meet someone for the first time, you may not know if he’s the one or not because you still feel excited by the novelty of this person. You begin to sense his potential as a lifelong partner when you two have spent a lot of time together and shared important and formative life experiences.
Consider the signs above and be as honest with yourself as possible. At the same time, allow your partner time to grow.
If their behavior doesn’t align with all the signs above, that doesn’t mean you should dismiss the person.
Understand that the signs above indicate a potential lifelong partner, but it may take time for him to develop all those behaviors and attitudes toward your relationship. Be mindful of the signs, or lack thereof, and use them as a template for the one.
If he’s missing one of the signs, communicate how you feel about it.
Healthy communication offers both partners a chance to grow and develop in a way that will make the relationship work.
If he’s willing to work on the relationship, he doesn’t need to show all those signs immediately. He can still be the one because he’s ready to become the one.
If he never makes changes and shows an unwillingness to put effort into the relationship, he’s not the one. Period.
Hopefully, this article has opened your eyes to what ‘the one should look like. Spending life with the same person is a huge commitment, so it’s perfectly normal and even wise to take your time and offer the situation careful consideration.
On a final note, understand that it’s far better to be alone and enjoy your own company than to be with a partner who makes you feel uncertain about yourself and the relationship.