To kiss or not to kiss? Should you wait or go for it on the first date?
There’s no exact rule about how many dates before kiss, but sometimes there’s a good reason to wait.
This article will explore how many dates should come before a first kiss.
We’ll also consider how many dates should come before you go further, signs that the first date went well, and some helpful tips if you decide to kiss on the first date.
How many dates before kiss?
Before we begin, understand that kissing on the first date or not is entirely up to you. Doing so doesn’t say anything about you and your worth; the same goes for not kissing.
It’s up to you and how comfortable you feel, the dynamic between you and your date, and the quality of the moment.
You may kiss some people on the first date and others on the third date, or not at all.
Kissing or not on the first date can be tricky. When you feel like the date has gone well, the end of the night comes with the awkward question ‘Should I kiss them?’
A kiss on the first date is a good sign that there’ll be a second, but a rejected kiss on the first date can jeopardize future dates.
Is it ok to kiss on the first date?
It’s perfectly normal to kiss on the first date. However, you don’t have to kiss on the first date.
Instead of wondering whether or not you should kiss them, think about why you want to kiss them in the first place.
Do you want to kiss them because you feel like you should? Do you think it would be rude not to? Are you worried about what people might say if you don’t kiss on the first date?
These are all terrible reasons to kiss someone.
Do you feel a genuine connection to this person? Are you physically attracted to them? Do you feel safe enough to kiss them? Do you feel like they respect you?
If ‘yes’ to those questions, those are good reasons to kiss someone, first date or otherwise.
How many dates before intimacy
Rules and expectations can get in the way of authentic connection. Some people follow a ‘three-date rule’ for sex or other physical intimacy.
This ‘rule’ is not a rule per se but a general consideration.
According to research, the average person waits between five to nine dates before sex. Still, just because that’s average doesn’t mean it has to apply to you.
It makes sense to wait for a few dates before sleeping with someone. The truth is that you don’t know someone on a first date, even a second, and to be completely honest, not even a third.
If this person likes and respects you, they won’t mind waiting. If they have a problem with waiting, it’s not really about you; it’s more about their desire for sex or intimacy.
These are, of course, needs, but many people use others to satisfy such physical needs just for the sake of it, without much consideration for the individual.
Physical intimacy is highly personal. It’s entirely your right to hold off on sex and intimacy until you feel comfortable, so if that takes one date or ten dates, that’s fine.
Again, someone who has a problem waiting would be better off finding someone else.
Regarding your wants and needs, the only rule regarding intimacy and the number of dates is how you feel. If you’re comfortable with this person on a first date and feel like you want to take things further, that’s your choice.
You may worry about others’ opinions and judgments, but such is no way to live your life.
Equally, if you don’t feel comfortable with sex and intimacy after several dates, that’s fine. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Still, it’s crucial to maintain healthy communication with others, even on a first date. Practice honesty and authenticity by letting your date know how you feel.
Signs a first date went well
Can you figure out if a second date is possible? Here are some hints that you are well on your way to get another date:
1. Time flew by so fast
If your date lasted longer than you expected but didn’t notice the time passing, that’s a great sign that it went well. If you’ve ever been on a bad date, you know just how awkward it feels to count the seconds until you can leave.
If your mind was not on time but focused on your date, that means the date was a success. You got to know them, had fun, and didn’t notice the time passing!
2. The conversation was on equal footing
A good date is one where both people get to talk and be heard.
Most of us have been on the classic lousy date where the other person spoke about themselves incessantly and barely let us get a word in. Similarly, you may have had a date where your date didn’t talk much at all.
Both scenarios can be a bummer and leave you doubting why you’re dating in the first place.
If the conversation was equal, where both parties felt they could express themselves freely and have their words heard and validated by the other, that’s a great date!
3. Prolonged eye contact
We communicate a lot of what we mean through body language. If you two locked each other’s eyes and neither of you felt the need to shy away, that’s a great sign that your date went well.
A good date is one where both parties are interested in each other. Sex and even kissing are not prerequisites for a good date. As long as you two connected, enjoyed each other, and were interested in seeing each other again, the date was a success.
Sustained eye contact is a sign of a good date because we use it as a form of communication. When we sustain eye contact with our date, we consciously or subconsciously let them know we’re interested in and attracted to them.
‘Attracted’ doesn’t even have to mean just in the physical sense. If they return eye contact, they likely feel the same about you.
4. Physical touch
Not even kissing! Light, subtle physical touch is an excellent sign that a date is going well.
A hand on the knee during a laugh, a held arm during a sad story, or a held hand with eye contact during a quiet moment are all excellent signs that the date was a success and that there will probably be a second date.
5. You barely checked your phone
Have you ever had a date where the other person seemed more interested in their phone than you? If so, you know how much it sucks.
Even though overusing one’s phone on a date can be a way to cope with nerves, it still makes for a bad date.
The best dates are those where neither of you is distracted by your phones because you’re far more interested in the person in front of you.
Tips for kissing on the first date
If you decide to kiss on the first date, consider the following advice. Kissing on the first date can be tricky to navigate, so if you do it, do it with style.
- Before you lock lips, try a cheek kiss. Not the formal cheek kiss when you say hello to someone, but the intimate cheek kiss that follows a tight hug.
- Don’t go for a passionate kiss on the first date. Real passion comes from an authentic connection with someone. There may be a strong connection on your first date, but hold back on that passion until you know this person better. Giving away a passionate kiss at first can devalue that ‘passion.’ Your date may wonder, ‘do you kiss all your first dates like that?’
- Prolong the moment. Don’t just dive in for a kiss. If you’re going to kiss on the first date, let it stem from prolonged eye contact, light physical touch, and a moment of tense but exciting silence. Make sure you two are on the same page, and don’t just jump at the person’s face because you feel like you should. If you two have a connection beyond the first date, you’ll want to remember that first kiss. Keep eye contact and hold your lips slightly parted. Feel the vibe, and if it feels right, move closer.
Whether or not you kiss on the first date is completely up to you. Many people like to wait for two to three dates before connecting on a physically intimate level but to each their own.
Physical intimacy and engagement in it all depend on your own state of being, your comfort, and the level of respect you feel from the other person.
Understand that there’s nothing wrong with taking things slow. Maybe you’re just dating for fun, but if you’re dating to find a romantic partner, taking things slow can lead to a deeper and more authentic connection.
Finally, understand that just because you may not want to kiss or sleep together on the first few dates doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it.
Some people don’t like to talk about kissing and sex because it makes them feel awkward, but communication is key to any healthy relationship, whether casual or committed.