Is there a girl that you’ve considered asking out on a date? However, you don’t know what to say or how to approach her? It’s not uncommon to feel awkward or shy at first when asking a girl on a date. Some people plan and rehearse what they’re going to talk about well in advance to avoid embarrassment, while others go for it and take the risk.
Fortunately, getting comfortable with a girl you’re about to ask on a date is easier than you think, and there are some key factors to help make your efforts a success.
Most guys worry about rejection when they ask a girl out, though most of the work and effort happens later once you begin going out. Getting to the point of perfecting how to ask a girl out doesn’t require too much effort if you’re confident, a good conversationalist, and someone that is comfortable using wit and confident gestures can make a good impression.
When you learn how to ask a girl out, make a point of getting their attention in a positive, fun way that doesn’t make them feel obliged to answer right away.
How to Ask a Girl Out Right the First Time:
1. The Importance of Body Language
When it comes to body language, it’s important in many ways, whether you’re observing how a woman will use their hands, face, and gestures to convey messages and how you respond. Non-verbal communication is just as vital, if not more important, than verbal conversation, as a person will indicate how they truly feel by how they pose, sit, gesture, or use facial expressions.
Before you engage with a girl, watch her body language. Is she inviting you to get closer with wide, inclusive gestures and hand movements? Is she making eye contact or avoiding you completely when you ask her questions or try starting a dialogue? Are the non-verbal cues showing that she wants to get to know you or is she trying to avoid closeness? Taking note of her body movements, gestures, and overall disposition is essential to determine whether she might be open to a more personal invitation.
Once a girl feels comfortable, she’ll get close to you and may touch your arm or nod eagerly to agree or confirm that she understands what you’re saying. Tell her that you reciprocate the same feelings with similar gestures, which show you’re interested.
If you’re going to lean in for a hug, but it feels too soon, try a high-five or fist-bump instead. Facial gestures are one of the most important ways to secure her attention, but make sure she’s returning the same interest and keep it fun.
Keep it Simple
Before you ask a girl on a first date at your local coffee shop or fitness studio, make a few glances to get her attention in a fun, playful way. If she returns with a smile or nod, let your next glance linger for slightly longer, but not too long to appear awkward or invasive.
It’s essential to reciprocate a friendly smile, nod, or wave, without getting too close too soon. If you’re close enough to say “hello” or “good morning/afternoon,” this is a great precursor to getting comfortable with dialogue later.
A girl will mention something similar and may follow up with a comment or small talk. Don’t be afraid to get comfortable with a phrase or two following an initial greeting, such as “I really like the coffee here, it’s always fresh” or “isn’t this place great? It’s a fantastic place to work out”.
Avoid any contentious phrases or comments that could be taken out of context or be seen as offensive.
2. Know the Difference Between Attraction and Kindness
Kindness can look like attraction, at least for some people, and this is because some women are overtly social and friendly with everyone. Unless they are well-known for this, and among close friends and colleagues, some individuals may mistake a tap on the arm or shoulder, followed by a smile or nod, as a sign of attraction.
When meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to keep an eye on how they treat other people as well as yourself. For example, suppose a woman refers to people with a term of endearment. In that case, you’ll quickly realize that this friendly approach isn’t exclusive to anyone in particular, but rather, it’s the way they communicate in general. A smile, nod, or even a hug may mean a woman wants friendship and values you as someone in this regard.
Get to Know Her Better over Dinner
If there’s an attraction towards her, and the line between friendship and something more is unclear, be direct about it. Say something such as “do you want to come to the next film premiere with me?” or “are you up for dinner?” If she asks if it’s a date, you can say yes, or ask if that’s acceptable with her first.
Know Her Boundaries, and She’ll Thank you For it
On the other hand, she may want to take it slow or set boundaries, which should be mutually discussed at that moment or before the first date, to make everything as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.
Most of all, have fun and don’t take yourself or the situation too seriously. A date should be a friendly and positive experience. Some ladies have professions or commitments that require a lot of time, which doesn’t allow them much flexibility.
3. Show Confidence when Talking to a Girl
Confidence is key to making a great first impression every time you ask a girl on a date. An appearance of insecurity can impact the success of getting a date when there’s a look of uncertainty or cues that don’t exude confidence. Avoid crossing your arms, dropping your shoulders, fidgeting, shifting your glance away, or staring at the ground.
Use Body Language to Show Attraction
Stand tall and get a bit close, as long as the girl feels comfortable with it. Whether you’re sitting or standing, keep your chin up, shoulders back, and your chest high to avoid slouching forward.
It’s important to avoid looking as though you’re trying to hide or apologize for your presence. Ideally, you want to be noticed so that you can make a lasting impression.
Maintain consistent attention, and respond when a woman is talking to you, sharing ideas, an interesting article about sports, or something related to work or school, depending on the scenario.
Keep your stance open, and use your arms and hands to gesture, though keep enough distance for personal comfort without standing too far away.
4. Start a Connection with a Coffee or Dinner and Good Conversation
Is the woman of your dreams a neighbor or someone you work with or know through common friends? You might be comfortable having an informal dialogue with her and therefore feel more relaxed when you are with her.
She might think you’re cute and even mention it in passing, in between jokes and friendly words. If you’re looking to take things to the next level, after establishing that she likes you as a friend, try taking one of these next steps:
- Bring her a coffee, and if you know, she’s had a long night at work. She will see you’re taking notice and appreciate the gesture.
- Leave a note at a shop or cafe, where you’re both regulars; tell her that you’re dropping by the park or a local place in case she wants to join you.
- Try offering a favor, or ask if she needs a hand with something, then be prepared to help. Make your intentions known from the start, with a friendly suggestion: “when you’re a bit less involved, maybe we could go on a date?”
Be Persistent in Life, but Don’t Compete with Other Guys
Don’t try to compete with other guys. Be yourself, and you’ll naturally stand out. Many girls are used to observing men trying to win their affection. If you try too hard, it will only diminish your effort every time. Keep the dialogue natural, and see if she’s interested in what you have to say.
If you notice a girl has another man with her, it’s not clear if they’re going out, keep it friendly, and stay confident. Things may not happen, but if she’s open to dating you in the future, let her know that you’re available without coming on too hard or pushy.
Tips on Dealing with Rejection
If you’re unsure where to start or are concerned about rejection, make a suggestion when you meet her. For example, instead of asking her to meet for a drink, you could suggest it as follows: “if you would like to meet me for a drink and some conversation, I’ll be at this place tomorrow evening…”
Keep it light and enjoyable. Don’t make your potential date feel obliged to meet up, but offer the option if she’s not too busy or has plans. She will likely catch on and let you know whether she’s interested in getting to know you better.
5. Don’t Get Discouraged; It’s okay to Wait
Some ladies may linger before they say yes, or show a bit of hesitation. What happens if she doesn’t accept a date right away? Shrug it off and accept her decision. Unless it’s a direct “no, I’m not interested,” there may be potential later, once she’s more comfortable with you or knows you better.
Some ladies are more open to going on a date sooner, while others prefer to get to know you better, then they’ll consider their options. In either case, keep your sense of humor, and focus on making a good impression every time you meet.
Sometimes the Best Tip is to Give Her Time – Life is Busy
It’s acceptable to wait before you decide how to ask a girl out on a date. Take your time, and concentrate on giving her something to look forward to in your personality. Many ladies are drawn to men who are confident in their own skin and go out of their way to “wow” her without trying too hard. It’s acceptable and natural to be a bit nervous, but keep your head up and work on making a good impression with assertive body language.
6. Explore Different Ways to Ask a Girl Out
A simple “hi, how’s your day going so far?” is the best ice-breaker. You can show off your wit and feel free to entertain her with humor. Ultimately, it’s best to start with a greeting, followed by some humor.
If the prospect of asking her out on a date seems terrifying at first, consider getting creative with a different way to ask a girl out instead of the typical approach. Keep your method as quick and easy as possible.
Otherwise, it’s only going to get awkward, and your proposal may seem less appealing.
Improving Your Chances that She’ll Say Yes
Consider some of the following ideas for getting creative, and indicate that you’re into them, so she says yes:
“If you’re up for something to eat, there’s a place nearby that offers great lunch. Would you care to join me later?”
“You caught my eye, and I’d like to get to know you. Do you mind if we chat some time?”
“Do you want to go to see a movie/live concert/restaurant sometime next week? It seems like we have the same taste in music/film/food.”
“Would you like to meet for lunch sometime?”
When the Answer is Maybe
Try keeping the topic close to something you have in common with her, and don’t make the occasion a big deal, but rather a quick question that will get you a fast answer. If you notice hesitation or nervousness from the girl, and ask, “Is that something you’re comfortable with?”
Keep it real and find out what could be a deal-breaker from the start. There’s no harm in asking more about a girl’s likes and dislikes, especially if you’re hitting it off right away.
Gauge their reaction, and take notice of how she responds. Follow up with “it’s no big deal,” or “it doesn’t have to be a date, but we could go out on a date if you’re okay with that..”. You’ll find many creative ways to ask a girl on a first date by simply being yourself and not making the occasion too intense or serious, so she will likely say yes.
Where Does She Want to Go? Get to Know Her Preferences for the First Date
Does she enjoy sports and watching the game on the weekend, or are theater and the arts more interesting to her? Take note of what she likes, and you’ll likely find some things in common.
Avoid trying to persuade a girl to see a film, event, or show that she doesn’t enjoy unless she’s open to the idea. Get to know her preferences and make a point of incorporating them into how you both spend time together.
This demonstrates that you care about her as a person and want her to enjoy the time you spend together.
7. Keep Dating in Perspective and Be Realistic
When you ask a girl out, remember that it’s not a long-term commitment, nor should it be. You’re not getting married or looking for a life partner. It’s a matter of getting to know someone better and finding out what will happen if you hit it off.
Make a point of using your conversational skills and talking about things you have in common. Don’t get too serious about life just yet.
When the focus is too much on your dating skills instead of being natural and asking more about her, it won’t feel comfortable for either of you. You also don’t want to scare her off by getting serious too soon.
Say Yes to Simple and Fun Conversation
Once you begin to date, your attention will shift from catching her eye initially to keeping her interested. Every woman appreciates men who are genuinely interested in who they are and what interests them. You don’t have to get too philosophical or in-depth on the first date unless the discussion takes that direction.
Asking Questions When Getting to Know Her
Always remember that dating doesn’t come with any guarantees. She might like you a lot and want a relationship, but it’s not necessarily always going to happen. Avoid thinking too far into the future. Enjoy the moments as they unfold, and keep your options open unless getting to know your new love interest becomes serious.
8. Ask a Girl without Playing Games
Dating looks different for everyone, and texting excessively, over-analyzing every minute of your first date, or meeting someone for the first time can be exhausting and stressful. Did you convey something that you regret saying a certain way or get too philosophical about life or politics in your first interaction?
Chances are, you’re overthinking it. If you think you need to try different tactics to gain her favor or ask a girl to call you back immediately after a date to continue constant contact, then you’re doing it wrong.
While there is no surefire way to know if a date went completely well, you’ll get an idea once you see her again.
Tips Before, During, and After the Date
Once you know how to ask a girl out, you can use the same casual, light-hearted way to follow up with a quick text or phone call with something like “just checking in to see how are you, and if you had a good time” or “I had a great time the other night, and wouldn’t mind meeting again, are you okay with that?”
Leave your message without anything heavy or complex, and leave it in her hands to respond. If she doesn’t respond right away, give it some time.
Many people have hectic schedules, with unexpected situations or circumstances that they may not discuss on the first date. Choose your words carefully, and don’t demand a response within a certain time frame or make her feel obliged to see you often.
Smile, Stay Confident, and She’ll Say Yes
If you’re uncertain whether she’s interested in you, don’t push the question. Dating may not be as consistent or as often as you want or expect it to be. Don’t be clingy, and give her some space.
Keep in mind that most people have a full life with friends, family, and other commitments. A simple “Hi” or “How have you been?” is ideal, because she will be happy to hear from you, whether it’s the day after a date or a bit longer.
Many ladies find these attributes appealing and attractive. When another guy attempts to ask them out and push for an immediate answer, this will only turn them off from getting acquainted with this person. It’s important to make it known that you respect their time and feelings so that they will get a better impression of you.
9. Show Confidence in Your Words When Asking a Girl Out
Any girl who’s looking to date a man will be impressed with confidence. It’s natural to be nervous or feel a bit awkward sometimes, though getting attention from a girl means taking a small, playful risk.
Confidence isn’t easy for everyone, though there are helpful tips to impress a girl with a few keywords, style, and overall approach:
- Offer a tip or suggestion to the girl about something you both share an interest in. She will appreciate the help, even if it’s not a serious matter, because you made an effort to communicate.
- See a girl as a friend first, even if you intend to ask her on a date. She will enjoy your approachable nature.
- Asking her about passions and interests is a good way to secure a strong connection.
Dress to Let Her Know You’re Interested and Available
Dress to impress, but don’t overdo it. If you’re not a fan of formal clothing, don’t shift your entire wardrobe into this look because it will look and feel inauthentic.
Body language works closely with your attire to make a great impression, or it can have the opposite effect if you appear uptight instead of loose and free.
Chances are, she likes you already, but a girl enjoys a guy who knows good hygiene, wears quality clothing, and makes an effort to look impressive.
Embrace Friendship First
It’s important not to discount the idea of being friends first, as this may lead to a more fulfilling connection in the long term. Many girls prefer to get acquainted with you as friends, or someone familiar, then progress further once they know you well.
However, don’t let the friendship remain as such for a significant period of time or she may decide to friend zone you, which means you have missed your opportunity.
You’ll understand what the right things to do is once you get to know more about her, by asking questions and it is equally important to offer details about you and your own life as well.
In some cases, you may delay asking girls out for a couple of weeks if you’re unsure whether she would be a good match for you so that you can get to know her better, even if they answer yes.
Say Something that Makes Her Smile
Learning how to ask a girl out is more about appearing to others and using your strengths to your advantage. Everyone gets nervous sometimes, and many people experience anxiety or stress without showing it.
It’s important to feel free and express yourself as such, and it’s also important to realize that many fears and worries about life are really based on our personal insecurities.
For example, if you’re concerned about rejection, whether it’s offering a useful tip or starting a dialogue, recognize this as largely irrational, and take the risk anyway.
Developing Conversational Skills Before the First Date
Women enjoy a guy who’s not afraid to take a risk. You can alleviate the likelihood of rejection by making a fun, witty comment first, then see how she reacts. Develop skills and plan, both mentally and physically. Everything in life requires planning, even if you could get a “yes” without it.
Prepare your mind for something positive to happen, and prepare your body with some stretches, exercise, and a jog or bicycle ride before you pop the question.
Asking someone out isn’t difficult on the surface, but working through all the stress of getting to this point and preparing for any answer is equally, if not more, important.
10. Tips to Ask a Girl Discreetly
Once the moment arrives to pose the question, it’s important to shift the discussion to something more direct. You don’t have to wait until everyone clears from a room or table to ask for a date unless there’s a lack of privacy.
Make sure you ask her in person, as texting for a date is often not a good start, even if you’re both comfortable with it. Texting is a great way to communicate quick messages, such as a link or news article of interest, but something as important as dating is best to do in person.
Choose a time and place where you feel most at ease, and she will appreciate the thoughtful approach and directness with good timing. A significant part of how to ask a girl out is timing and patience.
It’s a good tip to keep in mind for any occasion. It’s also essential to make the experience as relaxed and fun as possible, and hope that she agrees to go out with you.
A Final Tip
Before asking her out, wait for a bit and plan to do it when you don’t have to worry about distractions or interruptions. You don’t have to be overly cautious or careful, but if you’re calm and ready, it will make the conversation easier for you.
It’s also okay to show a bit of excitement when you’re about to ask her out. However, make sure that you are prepared for her response, whether the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Getting rejected is normal and doesn’t mean that no one will ever want to date you. You might already be able to pick up that a girl will say yes if she is excited to meet with you.
Remember that confidence is incredibly important when you ask a girl on a date. All of your efforts to make a date happen, from body language to timing your proposal to ask a girl out, are essential factors that will increase your chances that she’ll say yes.