How To Be Yourself In 12 Helpful Ways, When Others Want To Change You

Updated June 17, 2021

One of the most challenging goals in life is to learn how to be yourself. While many people are encouraged to be their true selves and express their own personality, often it isn’t easy to know who we really are.

For many people, social media offers a distorted, photoshopped view of friends, family, and colleagues, painting the perfect relationship, career, and lifestyle. When in reality, most people lack self-confidence and don’t feel nearly as amazing as they appear in their filtered profile photos or online posts.

While many people aim to fit in with everyone around them or seek to please others in order to gain approval, they become someone else entirely, instead of being their true self. It’s only human to seek acceptance, though it often comes at the expense of our identity.

1. Learn About Yourself

How well do you know yourself? Is your identity based on other people’s perceptions and labels? Most people have been conditioned from birth to think, behave, and believe a certain way. In many cases, how a person is raised or conditioned doesn’t coincide with their authentic self.

Discovering a true person’s self requires deep reflection and solitude. It takes practice to challenge thoughts and ideas that are not part of the true self, with values and beliefs that are authentic to the individual.

Breaking from habits and identity instilled since childhood may feel like an exercise in deconstruction, though it’s an important and sometimes painful way to find our true self. Through this process, keeping a journal, self-reflection, and spending time alone can open up many opportunities for exploring the true person inside.

Post About Your Life Online to Share and Inspire, But Be Honest

Many people define who they are by their career, marital status, and how others define them. A major part of finding one’s authentic personality requires looking within. How others view an individual doesn’t fully encompass a person’s traits, values, and personality. When an individual knows and can define distinct characteristics, this builds self-awareness and balance.

While there are may be some distortions online about what’s really going on in an individual’s life, it’s also a powerful tool to express honesty, trial and error, and helping others feel inspired to be themselves too.

2. Move Forward and Don’t Focus on the Past

The past often conjures up images of regret and sometimes cringe-worthy experiences. The truth is that everyone has made mistakes in the past, and it’s important not to be defined by them. Focusing too much on negative words, actions, and habits from the past will only hinder the present.

Without realizing it, dwelling on everything wrong about life, whether it be in the past or present, is overwhelming and stressful. It’s important to learn a different approach and create a friendlier, more accepting version of self.

One of the biggest mistakes many people make is defining themselves and others based on individual history. They “beat themselves up” about old behavior and sometimes never fully reach a level of forgiveness.

It’s important to make peace with the past, then let it go, and embrace the present and the future. There’s no need to continue atoning for previous errors, but instead, learn from them, and focus on the full person, not just the negative.

Take the Plunge and Face the Future

Many people are afraid to focus on the future. Sometimes, the stakes feel high – there’s a lot to lose, and there’s no guarantee of success.

Taking that step forward and learning to subscribe to a personal plan can put many individuals in a forward-thinking direction that will become a vibrant, more exciting life. Pushing ahead means developing character and seeing the amazing, natural traits in oneself unfold.

3. Don’t Compare to Others’ Personal Goals

Every day, our social media feeds project images of the ideal, according to society’s standard of success. It’s easy to compare other people’s awesome profiles, triumphs, and projections of happiness with your own.

However, this outlook is severely skewed, as what people post publicly online is their best, and they shield their worst. This is because not everyone is comfortable displaying their struggles and insecurities.

The rich, beautiful, and successful people on social media are often not what they seem, but their filtered photographs and inflated storylines give many people the idea that their life is far greater than reality.

These distortions give many individuals the impression that their lives are dull, unfulfilling, and lack the level of success that everyone else is achieving. Despite knowing that most people embellish their posts, social media often inflates the idea of confidence in some people, which causes insecurity in others.

Focus on Your Strengths, Take Control in Body and Mind

Body image, how much people can afford to spend and the way they truly feel, are just examples of visuals and messages that can be greatly skewed.

It’s best to avoid comparing individual pursuits, appearance, and circumstances to others. This will only impede individual growth and achievement. By comparing your goals to other people’s lives, there’s a sense that nothing is good enough because other people have it better.

However, this just isn’t reality. Everybody encounters struggles and feels inadequate at times, even if they never express them online or in person.

Be authentic and spend more time on self-improvement instead of competing with others. In the long term, success will not only be achievable but will also be deeply satisfying.

4. Take Responsibility and Learn from Mistakes

It’s easy to pass the blame on to others. When life gets hard and circumstances are challenging, it’s hard to accept when an error is made. Bad things happen in life and the world.

The truth is that it’s much easier to shift responsibility onto someone else or a specific situation rather than to look within. Every individual must take control of their life, which means facing accountability if inevitable.

Not everything is preventable, and whether it’s one person’s fault or another, shifting blame doesn’t resolve any matters or issues arising from an incident.

Instead of looking for a source to blame, take control. Taking responsibility means earning more respect personally and from others. A redundant, low-paying job may not be the worker’s fault, as they need a steady source of income.

However, individuals can decide to take greater control of their lives and focus on better employment opportunities or workplace improvements within their grasp. Taking the reigns in life means knowing that personal outcome depends on individual accountability. It also builds character and stability in life.

5. Take a Risk and Make a Personal Investment

No one can transform their life for the better without taking a risk. It’s an enriching and scary experience. The most confident and authentic people are constantly looking for tips and advice on improving their lives. Despite their confidence, they continually learn and focus on becoming better as a person, a productive employee, and society members.

Don’t avoid trying something new, even if it’s not an accomplished skill. So many people are afraid of making a mistake or ruining others’ impressions of them, either because they inflate their image as “perfect” on social media or in general.

Risks are not always financial, and they can be deeply personal. Calculated risks are best, as they consider the likelihood of any negative effects while providing the opportunity to act on an important goal.

It’s human nature to cling to habits and avoid anything outside of our comfort zone. When an individual takes a risk, it not only asserts a longing for adventure and confidence that inspires others, it improves one’s self-image as well.

6. Accept Emotions Without Judging Them

Some people are more accepting of their emotions, while other individuals struggle with them. For some individuals, it’s easy to let go once negative feelings are felt, though, for others, this isn’t as easy.

When a “bad” feeling is present, the first instinct for many people is to consider something wrong about it, even for a moment, and push it away. For others, that emotion may linger and could conjure up a feeling of regret and become intrusive in their life. The key in dealing with these emotions is balance.

It won’t go away if the emotion is rejected, but it will become a buried within and resurface later, often with less restraint and a stronger, more painful experience. It’s ok to feel, even if the sensation is unpleasant.

If there is a quick solution to a matter related to the emotion, this can alleviate the feeling, though in most cases, this isn’t always so easy. There’s no simple step to take in life for most people that will wash away those emotions, even with the greatest effort. Life is often far more complex and requires a realistic approach.

Acknowledge the Feeling, then Let it Free

Firstly, acknowledge the emotion but do so without judgment. Don’t ignore it and brush it aside because this isn’t going to work in a moment successfully. Instead, work through those feelings. Write about them, talk to trusted family or friends.

Find the words to describe what the emotion says, then prepare to accept it. It’s a part of an individual’s personality and who they are. Don’t simply wallow in those feelings, accept them. Contrary to what many people think, accepting strong emotions won’t lead to damage, but rather, it achieves the sensation of feeling free and human.

Emotions guide individuals to understand what’s going on inside the mind and with their thought patterns. What cannot be changed may offer a learning experience and a better understanding of self. Despite the pain and suffering, certain feelings may cause, they can step in the right direction towards future actions and figure out future issues.

In many ways, emotions provide valuable insight and advice. They allow an opportunity to search within and accept emotions, along with discovering an authentic view of self. This deep analysis allows for the next step: to move on towards healing and learning to accept those feelings.

7. Spend Time with Positive and Supportive People

Many family and friends will celebrate and appreciate individuals for who they are, while some will unfortunately always focus on criticism and harmful language. An example of someone who’s toxic, may be an individual who is never satisfied with anyone and always looks for flaws.

This situation is especially harmful when they are a parent, employer, or close friend because their opinions matter. Sometimes, it’s difficult to believe if a comment or phrase is meant to be constructive and helpful or simply toxic and abusive.

It’s important to be surrounded by individuals who share the same core values and learn to accept us without judgment. It’s already challenging enough to reveal a weakness or trait to someone, and this especially gets worse when they use harmful words and tactics that aim to attack and criticize without providing us with positive support.

Some people only listen with an ear for gossip and use those moments of vulnerability against someone who trusted them. It’s important to be free of individuals who have no positive purpose and lack respect.

Minimize Interactions with Toxic People and Stick with Those Who Believe in You

Set boundaries to limit interactions with negative family, friends, and coworkers. It’s not easy to know which opinions or friendships are really genuine, though in some cases, cutting certain individuals off completely may be the only way to really achieve peace of mind.

Choose to spend time with anyone who makes you feel awesome and worthy. Everyone needs companions who appreciate, respect, and understand them. Empathy is a trait to look for in a friend or relative. Anyone less than kind isn’t worth the time and effort.

Everyone needs a circle of friends who think positively and who focus on the optimistic. This will bring out the best in every person, from within. They are the individuals who will provide helpful tips and know how to show support. A solid friendship allows for unveiling deeply personal, vulnerable issues while establishing a better foundation to become more confident and happy.

8. Create and Find Hobbies that Help with Personal Style and Development

Many people now-a-days are too busy with work and life’s demands to subscribe to a new hobby or interest. It may seem near impossible at times, although there are many hobbies to learn and practice with a little effort that helps many individuals thrive and enjoy life.

In a world full of stress and fast-paced living, finding a hobby is like an oasis. It’s an escape from the perpetual cycle that forces individuals to please others and abandon their sense of true self.

Act on What Makes You Feel Good

The best way to explore new interests is to follow what makes you feel good. With any activity that makes an individual feel good in their mind and body and offers an opportunity to develop new skills, is time well spent.

Society is constantly offering quick solutions with expensive gadgets, diets, and items that don’t help in the long term. Essentially, happiness and individual style are derived from finding something within that provides pleasure. Step by step, it’s important always to recognize what really makes a person happy, as this leads to greater fulfillment in life and satisfaction.

9. Stop Caring About What Everyone Else Thinks and Learn How to Be Yourself

It’s often not easy to stop worrying about what other individuals or groups think or preventing them from passing judgment. It’s often sound advice, and it’s something mentioned in almost every article or book about self-improvement, but it’s a challenge for nearly everyone.

An individuals’ idea of self-worth is often rooted in what they know and how they measure up to other groups or individuals opinions in the world and the local community. Humans strive to fit in with popular opinions and groups. Many people subscribe or follow a regimen that their colleagues, relatives, or companions implement, whether it’s beneficial to them or not.

Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone Else

Despite the pressure to fit into society or the consensus of the world, learning to let go of that mentality has a profound effect: it makes us feel free. While most are constantly reading articles about what’s trending or searching for the next best diet, there’s more to achieve by living authentically and learning to create a healthy life without copying everyone else.

Leaving others’ expectations and goals behind, even if some are inspirational, allows us to curate our own path towards something deeper and more meaningful. Not only will this process provide a greater feeling of accomplishment, but it will also improve lives and build up one’s true self.

choose to be Yourself not what others think or social media presents

10. Figure Out Happiness and Where to Find it in the World

Happiness doesn’t originate from superficial joy. It’s fun to enjoy a shopping spree or take a vacation, though long-term happiness and satisfaction come from feeling free in life and learning to enjoy a sense of self-worth and accomplishment.

Unfortunately, many people subscribe to immediate gratification and ignore what they really want in life, which is to be free. Freedom is often mistaken for something inauthentic, such as an ad or an article that gives people a false idea of happiness.

Real happiness is not contained in an article or always achieved through a rigid step-by-step regimen. Many individuals may think they know what makes them happy or check off every point published in a trendy article without truly understanding where their joy originates.

There are many ways to achieve fulfillment when you learn to truly accept who you are and seek to achieve your personal goals, rather than living by what the world and those around you expect of you.

11. Subscribe to a Plan: Take a Course to Improve Growth

Professional articles and books that guide specific goals and ideas are valuable for learning more about inner needs. There will always be great ideas and inspiration to draw from, whether developing more personal relationships with those close or understanding how living can be achieved through reading articles and helpful information.

12. Develop Independence to Really Know Yourself

How can a person really know who they are? Many individuals use a lot of their time online, whether social interaction or engaging with media. It’s always important to put things in perspective and understand that these images and projections are skewed and do not need to be the standard of beauty, success, or happiness.

Learning independence is a skill that takes time for many individuals. It means more than financial independence and being free from media’s emotional and psychological effects and how it makes everyone think and feel.

Summary: Be Honest with Yourself Every Day

Live an authentic life, despite what everyone else says. There’s no limit to what you can learn and how far you can go with the right plan. Living the best life for you means believing in what you’re capable of and following it all the way.

While an article can provide guidance and help accept your real self, those tips are limited until you gain full knowledge of who you are. Being honest with yourself pays off and can be the most powerful way to live a happier, more rewarding life.

How To Be Yourself In 12 Helpful Ways, When Others Want To Change You

1. Learn About Yourself

Post About Your Life Online to Share and Inspire, But Be Honest