Is there a girl in your life you can’t stop thinking about? Did you have a girlfriend, but now she’s left, and you’re not sure how to get over her? Have you met someone who you’ve immediately fallen in love with, but she’s taken, or she’s just not that interested?
If so, you’ve found yourself with the challenging task of getting over a girl. Doing so can be tricky, but it’s entirely possible. Many of us have fallen head over heels for someone whom we can’t be with for whatever reason.
It can be hard to stop thinking about that person and stop fantasizing about your perfect life together, but it is possible. Not only is it possible, but it’s also vitally important.
Sure, it may seem that the girl is perfect for you – that she’s just your type and that you would be willing to commit to a relationship with her, but if that relationship clearly isn’t happening, or it has happened but now it’s over, it’s important that you learn how to move on gracefully.
The more time you spend mulling over someone you can’t be with and wishing that things were different, the less time you’ll have for yourself, with which you could work on finding other sources of joy, pleasure, and love in your life.
You can save so much time by finally getting over that girl and use that time to instead work on yourself, get yourself fitter, smarter, more skilled, and more grounded and present.
In this article, we’ll help you understand how to get over a girl. We’ll explore what it’s like to have to get over someone in your past relationship – the worries, the fantasies, and the what-ifs.
We’ll show you helpful how tos delivered to bring your attention back to yourself, and then we’ll offer some practical and effective tips you can use, starting today, to not feel stuck in a dead end relationship and help yourself move on.
Why is it important to get over someone?
The longer you spend obsessing over someone from a failed relationship or continuing to believe that they’re the ‘perfect person’ for you, the less time you have to actually enjoy your life.
Getting over someone can get you in deep emotional pain, even if you never actually dated them,. But it’s crucial for your mental and emotional health to commit to the process of letting go.
If you’ve ever gone through a breakup that you didn’t want, you know how it goes.
Some days are fine, but more days are filled with regret, wondering ‘what if?’, wallowing in self pity, and praying to whatever higher power you believe in to get them back.
The days, weeks, and months after a breakup can be excruciating. In some cases, the only person who decides to cut contact off completely for their own peace of mind wanted the break up, which can be deeply painful to the person on the other side.
Sometimes, the contact remains even when the relationship ended because you may be forced to see that person every day, such as in cases where they’re a coworker or fellow student.
Whether it’s a breakup or a rejection, the process of getting over that person is no easy feat. You’re likely to experience a range of uncomfortable and negative emotions and thoughts that just don’t seem to give you a break.
You may spend more time alone or withdrawing from friends and family, and those who love you may check in more than usual to see if you’re doing okay.
Again, if you’ve ever gone through a breakup, you know that time is a great healer. The days, weeks, or months you spend wallowing, regretting, and feeling sorry for yourself eventually pass, and you finally reach the other side, where you feel at peace with yourself and can accept the past for what it is – the past.
Still, in the throes of a breakup or rejection, you may doubt time’s healing abilities. It can feel as though the pain of rejection or the cruel fate that life has designed for you will go on forever and that you’ll never feel happy again.
Know that this is far from the truth.
You will feel happy again as long as you work on the only relationship that really matters – your relationship with yourself. It is in this relationship that real healing takes place so that all of your other relationships can grow and blossom.
How to get over a girl and move on with your life
Suppose you’re ready to begin the process of getting over that girl, congratulations.
Even the simple act of reading articles on how to move on is a good sign. It shows that you know you need to get over her and that you want to learn about how to do it.
Below, we’ve outlined nine helpful tips to help you move on from the girl you’ve been trying to get over. Remember that everyone processes their feelings and emotions at their own unique pace, so don’t worry if it’s taking you longer than expected.
You may compare yourself to others who have been through similar experiences, but doing so is pointless. Their situation and yours are not the exact same, and neither are the individuals involved.
So, remember to go at your own pace, don’t push yourself, and stay focused on your goal – getting over her.
1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings
First and foremost, try to accept your feelings. People may tell you to stop wallowing or stop feeling sorry for yourself, and that’s fair. But the fact is that you’re likely going through some difficult emotions right now, and pushing them away or denying their existence is not going to make you feel better.
“Our culture generally views tears and what may lie behind them—sadness, anger, disappointment, fear—as signs of a problem. Something has gone wrong. Somebody needs to figure out who screwed up so we can set this thing right. But tears are actually sweet things. They are signs of authentic feelings.” – Susan Piver, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart
Understand the grieving process
If you’re going through a breakup, understand the process of finally getting over someone. It is similar to that of grief.
When we’re grieving, we go through five main stages, or phases. These stages are outlined by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying and include:
Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages in regard to grieving the death of someone we love, but a similar process applies to the loss of a long term relationship.
Understand that you’re going to move through these five stages at your own pace, and each one needs to be experienced as fully as it needs to be experienced before you can move on from it.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel. What you’re going through is hard, and feeling sad, lost, confused, and even hopeless is completely normal.
Accepting your emotions as they come is one of the most effective ways to keep your well-being in check as you move through the process of getting over that girl.
Bear in mind that accepting your emotions does not mean letting them loose and allowing them to interfere with the rest of your interpersonal relationships or your job – it means acknowledging that they exist, speaking or writing about them, and letting them breathe.
2. Avoid her social media accounts
It may be tempting to check up her Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter page to see what she’s up to, but this is a surefire way to prolong your heartache. At best, you’ll keep reminding yourself of your unrequited feelings and feed the fantasies of being with her.
At worst, you’ll realize that she’s dating someone new or even has a new boyfriend, and you may discover pictures of them together looking happy, which will be hard to forget.
Go cold turkey on her social media. You may argue that you two are friends and that it’s normal for friends to keep in contact, but how often do you visit your friend’s Facebook page? Probably not that often.
If you two are truly friends, then you’ll have other ways of contacting each other, such as through call or text.
3. Hang out with your friends more
Many of us fall into the trap of meeting a girl and falling so head over heels in love with her that spending time with her is all we want to do.
It sounds like a romantic life, but as we spend more and more time hanging out with, or just texting, even just thinking about this girl, we may spend less and less time with our close friends.
Your friends can be your support system in hard times and share your good times with you, so don’t forget about them.
If you’re trying to get over a girl, spending time with friends can be of great help. They’ll probably let you express your feelings about her and even offer some helpful advice based on their own experience.
Good friends will let you get everything off your chest but also remind you to take your mind off her by having fun with them, playing games or sports, or simply just hanging out and talking about other things.
4. Focus on things you enjoy doing
What are the things in your everyday life that bring you joy, excitement, and happiness? What fulfills you and contributes in your personal growth? What feeds your soul?
The answers to these questions are directions for the moving on process. Very often, when we’re crazy about someone, we forget about our uniqueness and our personal joys.
What did you love doing before this girl came along? Perhaps you love playing sports, painting, reading, writing, or volunteering.
Try to remember the things that make you happy that don’t involve her. Consider taking up a new hobby to make your days even more exciting and boost your self confidence and skill set.
While it’s important to set aside time to grieve the loss of the love or the relationship you had hoped for, it’s equally important to find time away from your grief.
These feelings of loss or rejection will eventually pass, and when they do, you’ll be glad that you filled your days with your passion and activities that excite you.
5. Prioritize self-care
In the process of getting over someone, you may find yourself mentally and emotionally exhausted. The sadness, regret, and disappointment that usually accompany a breakup or a rejection can take up far too many hours of your day, and that can last for weeks or even months.
Again, you’re entitled to take some time to grieve for what you lost or what you never got, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, either. Prioritize your mental and emotional health and well-being by focusing on your wants and needs and making sure you get them met.
Maintain a healthy sleep schedule, diet, and exercise routine to keep your brain and body functioning effectively and boost your happiness and emotional resilience in the process.
Look at aspects of yourself that you’d like to improve. Is there a skill you’ve always wanted to learn? A fitness goal you’d love to reach? Now is the time to do those things that will make you feel happier, more fulfilled, and more confident.
Confidence plays an integral part of living a healthy and happy life, but it often gets knocked off when we’re faced with the formidable task of getting over someone. Your sense of self worth may get a beating when you feel rejected.
Spend time working on your confidence through skill-building, health, and fitness and committing to a self-care routine. You may find yourself much further along the path of getting over that girl than you expected, and in less time.
It may sound simple, but prioritizing self-care and confidence can change your life for the better, whether you’re trying to get over someone or not.
6. Create some healthy distance
After a breakup, you may be tempted to keep in contact with the person. That’s ok sometimes, such as when the relationship comes to a mutual end, and the two of you are already friends beforehand.
However, successfully maintaining a friendship after a breakup, though possible for some people, is not easy, so don’t expect it to be. Mixed signals may cause you to nurture the strong feelings you still have for her.
It may be of more help to cut down on contact with her or stop talking completely. This will keep you from holding on and holding out for her to change her mind or realize that she actually does want to be without you.
Cutting contact can be hard at first, and you may be tempted to change your mind, but you’ll thank yourself in the long term.
If you two are still close but need space, let her know. She may want to remain friends, but if she’s emotionally mature enough, she’ll understand that you need to take some space to process the breakup.
Let her know that it’s not personal but a means of keeping your emotional well-being in check.
7. Look to the future, not the past
It’s almost inevitable that you’ll spend some of your free time dwelling on the past – such is the nature of the mind. Thinking about the times you had together can be heartwarming and may help you process the breakup, but be wary of spending too much time in the past.
The longer you dwell there, the less time you’ll spend in the present – the only place where life is happening.
Far too many of us get so lost in the nostalgia and regret that follow breakup or rejection that we lose ourselves to the past, only to come to our senses weeks or months later and realize how much more time we’ve lost.
If you want to keep your mind occupied:
- Look forward.
- Imagine all the personal goals you can achieve with this extra time on your hands.
- Think about how you’re going to upskill, who you’re going to hang out with, and where you’re going to go next.
Get excited about your relationship with yourself. It’s the most important relationship you’ll ever have, and nobody should ever get in the way of that.
8. Meet new people
Enough with the pity party, bingeing on food delivery and sad music.
Whenever you find the time, get out and meet some new people, new girls. Perhaps you can go out for drinks with work colleagues you’ve never been out with before, or meet your friend’s friends.
Go to events with friends or by yourself, and don’t be afraid to reach out to new people and strike up a conversation. Whether you’re in a bar, an art gallery, or a cozy coffee shop, there’s always someone new to talk to.
Search online for events that spark your interest in your area. Going to new events alone may seem daunting at first, but if you can muster up the courage, you may find the motivation when you’re there to make some new friends.
Who knows, you may even find someone else to take on dates and eventually develop feelings that may lead to new possibilities such as your next relationship.
It may take a little while but you’ll get there. The important thing is you are getting out of your comfort zone.
9. Speak to a counselor if you’re feeling low
If your feelings have become overwhelming and you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or thoughts of self-harm, don’t hesitate to speak to a counselor or therapist.
Even if you’re not depressed or anxious but still worse and hopeless, a mental health professional can help.
Therapy offers the chance to express our deepest and most uncomfortable or distressing feelings in a safe space under a licensed professional’s attuned and compassionate support.
It always helps to talk to friends and family about what you’re going through, but sometimes the objective, unbiased view of a therapist and their professionalism in their role can make it easier to talk about and process your feelings.
Getting over someone is never fun. It will feel worse before it gets better. There may be tears, regret, and lost hope, but please understand that you are not the relationship you had with that person.
You are many wonderful things, and you don’t need to define yourself when a relationship ends or when you get rejected.
Consider the tips outlined above and apply them as much as you can in the days, weeks, and months following your breakup or rejection from the girl in question.
It may take some time to feel better, but when you eventually do, you’ll find you have a whole new life ahead of you to enjoy and cherish.