Is there a girl in your life who you can’t stop thinking about? Did you have a girlfriend, but now she’s left, and you’re not sure how to get over her? Have you met someone who you’ve immediately fallen in love with, but she’s taken, or she’s just not that interested?
If so, you’ve found yourself with the challenging task of getting over a girl. Doing so can be tricky, but it’s entirely possible. Many of us have fallen head over heels for someone whom we can’t be with for whatever reason.
It can be hard to stop thinking about that person and stop fantasizing about your perfect life together, but it is possible. Not only is it possible, but it’s also vitally important.
Sure, it might seem that the girl is perfect for you – that she’s just your type and that you would be willing to commit to a relationship with her, but if that relationship clearly isn’t happening, or it has happened but now it’s over, it’s important that you learn how to move on gracefully.
The more time you spend mulling over someone you can’t be with and wishing that things were different, the less time you’ll have for yourself, with which you could work on finding other sources of joy, pleasure, and love in your life.
You could save so much time by finally getting over that girl that you could use that time to instead work on yourself, get yourself fitter, smarter, more skilled, and more grounded and present.
In this article, we’ll help you understand how to get over a girl. We’ll explore what it’s like to have to get over someone – the worries, the fantasies, and the what-ifs, why it’s important to bring your attention back to yourself, and then we’ll offer some practical and effective tips you can use, starting today, to help yourself move on.
Why is it important to get over someone?
The longer you spend obsessing over someone or continuing to believe that they’re the ‘perfect person’ for you, the less time you have to actually enjoy your life. Getting over someone can be a painful experience, even if you never actually dated them, but it’s crucial for your mental and emotional health and well-being to commit to it.
If you’ve ever gone through a breakup that you didn’t want, you know how it goes. Some days are fine, but more days are filled with regret, wondering ‘what if?’, being harsh on yourself, and praying to whatever higher power you believe in that you could just get them back.
The days, weeks, and months after a breakup can be excruciating. In some cases, the person who wanted the break up decides to cut contact off completely for their own peace of mind, which can be deeply painful to the person on the other side.
Sometimes, the contact remains, and you might even be forced to see that person every day, such as in cases where they’re a coworker or fellow student.
Whether it’s a breakup or a rejection, the process of getting over that person is no easy feat. You’re likely to experience a range of uncomfortable and negative thoughts and feelings that just don’t seem to take a break.
You may spend more time alone or withdrawing from friends and family, and those who love you might check in more than usual to see if you’re doing okay.
Again, if you’ve ever gone through a breakup, you know that time is a great healer. The days, weeks, or months you spend wallowing, regretting, and feeling sorry for yourself eventually pass, and you finally reach the other side, where you feel at peace with yourself and can accept the past for what it is – the past.
Still, in the throes of a breakup or rejection, you might doubt time’s healing abilities. It can feel as though the pain of rejection or the cruel fate that life has designed for you will go on forever and that you’ll never feel happy again. Know that this is far from the truth.
You will feel happy again as long as you work on the only relationship that really matters – your relationship with yourself. It is in this relationship that real healing takes place, and it is from this relationship that all of your other relationships can grow and blossom.
How to get over a girl and move on with your life
Suppose you’re ready to begin the process of getting over that girl, congratulations. Even the simple act of reading articles on how to move on is a good sign. It shows that you know you need to get over her and that you want to learn about how to do it.
Below, we’ve outlined nine helpful tips to help you move on from the girl you’ve been trying to get over. Remember that everyone processes their feelings and emotions at their own unique pace, so don’t worry if it’s taking you longer than expected.
You might compare yourself to others who have been through similar experiences, but doing so is pointless. Their situation and yours are not the exact same, and neither are the individuals involved.
So, remember to go at your own pace, don’t push yourself, and stay focused on your goal – getting over her.
1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings
First and foremost, try to accept your feelings. People might tell you to stop wallowing or stop feeling sorry for yourself, and that’s fair, but the fact is that you’re likely going through some difficult emotions right now, and pushing them away or denying they exist is not how you’re going to feel better.
“Our culture generally views tears and what may lie behind them—sadness, anger, disappointment, fear—as signs of a problem. Something has gone wrong. Somebody needs to figure out who screwed up so we can set this thing right. But tears are actually sweet things. They are signs of authentic feelings.” – Susan Piver, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart
Understand the grieving process
If you’re going through a breakup, understand the process of finally getting over someone. It is similar to that of grief. When we’re grieving, we go through five main stages, or phases. These stages are outlined by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying and include:
Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages in regard to grieving the death of someone we love, but a similar process applies to the loss of a relationship.
Understand that you’re going to move through these five stages at your own pace, and each one needs to be experienced as fully as it needs to be experienced before you can move on from it.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel. What you’re going through is hard, and feeling sad, lost, confused, and even hopeless is completely normal. Accepting your emotions as they come is one of the most effective ways to keep your well-being in check as you move through the process of getting over that girl.
Bear in mind that accepting your emotions does not mean letting them loose and allowing them to interfere with the rest of your interpersonal relationships or your job – it means acknowledging that they exist, speaking or writing about them, and letting them breathe.
2. Avoid her social media
It might be tempting to check up her Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter page to see what she’s up to, but this is a surefire way to prolong your heartache. At best, you’ll keep reminding yourself of your unrequited feelings and feed the fantasies of being with her.
At worst, you’ll realize that she’s dating someone new or even has a new boyfriend, and you might discover pictures of them together looking happy, which will be hard to forget.
The wise option is to avoid her social media altogether. You might argue that you two are friends and that it’s normal for friends to keep in contact, but how often do you visit your friend’s Facebook page? Probably not that often. If you two are truly friends, then you’ll have other ways of contacting each other, such as through call or text.
3. Hang out with your friends more
Many of us fall into the trap of meeting a girl and falling so head over heels in love with her that spending time with her is all we want to do.
It sounds romantic, but as we spend more and more time hanging out with, or just texting, even just thinking about this girl, we might spend less and less time with our close friends.
Your friends are there to support you in hard times and share your good times with you, so don’t forget about them. If you’re trying to get over a girl, spending time with friends can be of great help. They’ll probably let you express your feelings about her and even offer some helpful advice based on their own experience.
Good friends will let you get everything off your chest but also remind you to take your mind off her by having fun with them, playing games or sports, or simply just hanging out and talking about other things.
4. Focus on things you enjoy doing
What are the things in your life that bring you joy, excitement, and happiness? What fulfills you? What feeds your soul? The answers to these questions are directions for moving on. Very often, when we’re crazy about someone, we forget about our uniqueness and our personal joys.
What did you love doing before this girl came along? Perhaps you love playing sports, painting, reading, writing, or volunteering. Try to remember the things that make you happy that don’t involve her. Consider taking up a new hobby to make your days even more exciting and boost your confidence and skill set.
While it’s important to set aside to grieve the loss of the love or the relationship you had hoped for, it’s equally important to find time away from your grief. These feelings of loss or rejection will eventually pass, and when they do, you’ll be glad that you filled your days with your passion and things that excite you.
5. Prioritize self-care
In the process of getting over someone, you might find yourself mentally and emotionally exhausted. The sadness, regret, and disappointment that usually accompany a breakup or a rejection can take up far too many hours of your day, and that can last for weeks or even months.
Again, you’re entitled to take some time to grieve for what you lost or what you never got, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, either. Prioritize your mental and emotional health and well-being by focusing on your wants and needs and making sure you get them met.
Maintain a healthy sleep schedule, diet, and exercise routine to keep your brain and body functioning effectively and boost your happiness and emotional resilience in the process.
Look at aspects of yourself that you’d like to improve. Is there a skill you’ve always wanted to learn? A fitness goal you’d love to reach? Now is the time to do those things that will make you feel happier, more fulfilled, and more confident.
Confidence is key to living a healthy and happy life, but it often gets knocked when we’re faced with the formidable task of getting over someone. Spend time working on your confidence through skill-building, health, and fitness and committing to a self-care routine. You may find yourself much further along the path of getting over that girl than you expected, and in less time.
It may sound simple, but prioritizing self-care and confidence can change your life for the better, whether you’re trying to get over someone or not.
6. Create some healthy distance
After a breakup, you might be tempted to keep in contact with the person. That’s on sometimes, such as when the relationship comes to a mutual end, and the two of you are already friends beforehand. However, successfully maintaining a friendship after a breakup, though possible for some people, is not easy, so don’t expect it to be.
It might be of more help to cut down on contact with her or cut out the contact completely. This will help you stop holding on and holding out for her to change her mind or realize that she actually does want to be without you.
Cutting contact can be hard at first, and you might be tempted to change your mind, but you’ll thank yourself in the long term.
If you two are still close but need space, let her know. She might want to remain friends, but if she’s emotionally mature enough, she’ll understand that you need to take some space to process the breakup. Let her know that it’s not personal but a means of keeping your emotional well-being in check.
7. Look to the future, not the past
It’s almost inevitable that you’ll spend some time dwelling on the past – such is the nature of the mind. Thinking about the times you had together can be warming and may help you process the breakup, but be wary of spending too much time in the past.
The longer you dwell there, the less time you’ll spend in the present – the only place where life is happening. Far too many of us get so lost in the nostalgia and regret that follow breakup or rejection that we lose ourselves to the past, only to come to our senses weeks or months later and realize how much more time we’ve lost.
If you want to keep your mind occupied:
- Look forward.
- Imagine all the things you can do with this extra time on your hands.
- Think about how you’re going to upskill, who you’re going to hang out with, and where you’re going to go next.
Get excited about your relationship with yourself. It’s the most important relationship you’ll ever have, and nobody should ever get in the way of that.
8. Meet new people
Whenever you find the time, get out and meet some new people. Perhaps you could go out for drinks with work colleagues you’ve never been out with before, or meet your friend’s friends.
Go to events with friends or by yourself, and don’t be afraid to reach out to new people and strike up a conversation. Whether you’re in a bar, an art gallery, or a cozy coffee shop, there’s always someone new to talk to.
Search online for events that spark your interest in your area. Going to new events alone might seem daunting at first, but if you can muster up the courage, you might find the motivation when you’re there to make some new friends. Who knows, you might even find someone else to take on dates or have some romantic adventure with!
9. Speak to a counselor if you’re feeling low
If your feelings have become overwhelming and you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or thoughts of self-harm, don’t hesitate to speak to a counselor or therapist. Even if you’re not depressed or anxious but still feeling lost or confused, and hopeless, a mental health professional can help.
Therapy offers the chance to express our deepest and most uncomfortable or distressing feelings in a safe space under a licensed professional’s attuned and compassionate support.
It always helps to talk to friends and family about what you’re going through, but sometimes the objective, unbiased view of a therapist and their professionalism in their role can make it easier to talk about and process your feelings.
Getting over someone is never fun. There might be tears, regret, and lost hope, but please understand that you are not the relationship you had with that person. You are many wonderful things, and you don’t need to define yourself by one failed relationship or one instance of rejection.
Consider the tips outlined above and apply them as much as you can in the days, weeks, and months following your breakup or rejection from the girl in question. It may take some time to feel better, but when you eventually do, that time won’t seem as long.