Breaking off a relationship is not easy, whether it is initiated by the other person or whether it is initiated by you because things aren’t working out. Learning how to get over someone after a relationship is often more difficult than the initial break, especially if there are strong emotions, a history of memories, and better times that have been had with that person.
Learning how to get over a loved one involves experiencing a range of emotions that are similar to grieving. It’s especially challenging when close friends and family build a connection to your partner or have built a relationship with them over the years and continue to stay close to them in the present.
Social posts and updates from family, co-workers, companions, and ex-partners can make the breaking up process far more painful, especially when you are trying to move forward and consider having a new spouse or dating again.
There are some important steps to take following a breakup to cope with the pain and allow you to process the emotions. Initially, it may feel like the most painful, heartbreaking experience, though in time and with the right tools, there are many ways to overcome a split.
1. Acknowledge Emotions After a Breakup
Getting over someone requires experiencing many emotions at once, from intense anger and feelings of betrayal to sadness, emptiness, and a sense of loss. Even relationships that are toxic or abusive, that must end to preserve mental and emotional well-being, can conjure feelings of longing and loss for the other person.
The impact is felt so deeply that many people try to avoid acknowledging emotions, to avoid the pain and hurt. However, ignoring the heartbreak or not allowing yourself to feel sad after breaking up, only prolongs the healing process.
Instead, understand that there’s nothing wrong with these feelings and that the experience is necessary to move on and build a new life.
Feelings of Love are Valid and Important
It’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions after letting go of a relationship or experiencing a breakup. Thinking back on the relationship experience, it’s often easy to remember all the good times and forget the factors that led to the split. It’s acceptable to acknowledge love for someone no longer in your life, while acknowledging all other emotions that still linger.
All these feelings are valid, though it’s best to take a more balanced view and recognize the negative impact of the relationship and the good to view the whole experience with one person as a learning experience. In this way, it becomes easier to manage the loss, and getting over someone becomes much easier.
2. Don’t Rush into a New Relationship
Some people find comfort in starting a new relationship immediately after breaking up with someone. It’s tempting, and connecting with someone new may alleviate some of the pain, although it’s only a short-term solution that can quickly dissolve into a less than fulfilling connection. Dating prematurely after a breakup doesn’t allow you time to think and reflect on what you truly want and need in a relationship.
Think about what’s important in a partner. What didn’t work in the previous relationship? How can releasing the past provide better opportunities for you in the future? Taking a break is vital for assessing what’s best in life, such as achieving greater independence, being honest about what you want, and understanding the value of experiencing happiness outside of a relationship. Take all the time needed, and don’t rush into dating. Instead, take time to develop personal skills, confidence, and work towards goals.
3. Take a Vacation after a Breaking up
It isn’t easy to move on from the past, especially when work and personal life are close to people and places connected with an ex-partner. This can make you feel deeply emotional, and past stories or reminders of the relationship continually resurface as a result.
The ex-partner’s relatives and friends may stay in contact, especially if there are children or family members involved. When this happens, it’s essential to take a break and focus on moving forward.
After a split, a great thing to do is book a trip, whether it’s a weekend getaway or a day out of town. Enjoy each moment of the break. Take the time to heal, let go of the anger and loss, and focus on feeling free. Once an individual realizes the benefits of enjoying solitude, there’s a lot of relief and a deeper sense of peace.
Reaching out to supportive companions and family is also important. Spend a week at the cottage and realize that the most difficult stages of a breakup are temporary, and it will get better over time.
4. Staying Friends and Setting Boundaries
Many ex-couples remain friends after breaking it off, leading to positive connections for the long term. For some people, staying in touch with a previous partner is a way to avoid the inevitable sense of loss, especially if they love them and want to retain that level of attachment. It can also become a potential problem where the lines or boundaries are blurred, making it increasingly difficult to move on and focus on the future.
Friendship with an ex-partner may be a good option, though not immediately after the relationship split. Give the other person a chance to adjust while you learn to feel better without relying on them or the past.
Focusing on yourself and adjusting to living alone is vital to moving on and establishing a healthier connection with friends and future relationships in the long run.
5. Get Busy with Exercise and Positive Activities
Learning to accept the end of a relationship means coming to grips with the emotional impact, loss, and love associated with it. Staying busy with exercise and physical activities is a great way to keep the body releasing endorphins and gives yourself a break from the mental and emotional turmoil following a breakup. Physical exercise greatly improves mental health, mood, sleep, and overall feeling, especially after the end of a relationship.
Getting active is more than physical health and fitness; it’s a matter of enhancing your overall sense of well-being, and it takes your mind off of getting over an ex by simply focusing on self-improvement. It’s okay to love someone while also focusing on letting go of them and turning the focus on yourself, to enable you to move forward.
6. Social Media and Communication
One of the most challenging aspects of moving on from a past relationship is the impact of social media. Many people contact someone they used to date, whether it’s because they work together or share custody, or have friends in common.
At times, it’s a great way to stay in touch and not lose that common ground, although every story between couples varies in terms of how often they communicate. There may be an occasional conversation for some ex-couples, whereas others develop deep friendships that last.
Don’t Take Social Media Stories too Seriously, Especially after Breaking Up
Social platforms often skew a person’s appearance, success, and how well they are doing in life. They may post a story about a new relationship or share their new career move and other accomplishments. The idea of seeing someone moving forward after a breakup can offer a sense of relief. Although, for some people, feelings of loss and hurt may resurface, as they find it hard to turn a new page in life and stay in touch with a former partner at the same time.
When it’s Best Not to Follow Ex-Partners on Social Media
It’s tempting to follow an ex-partner to see where they are in life. Some people visit profile pages and connections they have in common with their ex. It’s important to assess why or why not keeping in touch is a good idea.
Do you feel stressed every time you see a post or update from an ex, or do you have a healthy friendship where you exchange tips and accept that both parties have moved forward? If keeping in contact means it will be harder to get over them, “unfriending” them or avoiding their profile or account completely may be the best solution for you to let go and move on.
Letting Go In-Person and Online
Limiting social media connections with specific people can significantly improve facing reality and moving away from the past. Learning how to get over a loved one means placing a bit of distance between you and them and allowing yourself to heal from a difficult breakup. A search on social media may bring up many emotions from your past, such as feeling sad, hurt, and reminiscing about a lost love.
Often, the photos and profiles seen online are significantly skewed and do not present the reality of a person’s life. Focusing too much on a past partner’s life only prolongs the ability to heal and get back to moving forward in the present.
7. Talk Constructively About Relationships
It’s helpful to talk about the split from your partner, though it’s best to keep the flow of conversation constructive and not accusatory. This is especially important if you are sharing the details with a group of close friends and family, even if there are reasons to feel negative.
Some people take on the victim role, which may gain favor and support in the short term. However, in the long run, it does nothing to alleviate the pain and can come back to cause problems if accusations about the ex-partner are misunderstood or believed to be inaccurate.
Accept the end of the relationship, then talk with someone you trust about how to move on. It’s acceptable to ask for advice or relay the personal experience to others. Someone else may have suggestions or advice to help or find your story is familiar to what they’ve gone through. Keep the discussion of relationships from the past limited, and allow friends and family to help you move on.
8. Keep a Journal and Write About Your Relationship Experience
Everyone thinks of how a relationship could have been and where they would be if there were no break up. Communication is an important aspect of success between couples, though not every person expresses their feelings and concerns effectively until it is too late.
There is much to learn after a relationship ends, and while it may be difficult to get over a person, writing down what happened, including what went wrong, allows for a more balanced approach.
It’s essential not to focus too much on regret, with thoughts such as “maybe I could have done this better” or “I wished I could have expressed my love or emotions better,” but instead, think of how these mistakes can help prevent problems in future friendships or relationships.
Write Down How You Feel and Search Within for Peace
Self-reflection is so important. Often, many people who stay in a long-term relationship lose a sense of identity, especially if they were in a controlling situation or didn’t spend a healthy amount of time on personal development.
Make a list of concerns and experiences to remind yourself what to avoid and how to approach a situation in the future, such as a date or meeting someone new. Keeping a journal also helps facilitate the healing process, so there is a better sense of knowing what to look for when meeting someone new.
9. Practice Gratitude After Splitting Up with Someone Else
Initially, experiencing a break from someone isn’t easy. Feeling sad and hopeless are common, especially in the early stages following the breakup. While some people may experience a sense of freedom and appreciate the value of breaking off from certain relationships, it takes an emotional toll to get over a loved one for most people, even where the split was amicable and necessary.
There are many opportunities to focus on other people’s love and support through family and friends, while also focusing on lifting your own mood with positive thoughts and a focus on yourself as well as the future.
Gratitude means taking the time to realize all the good things in life, and appreciating everything that happens, whether it’s for better or worse, and using it as an opportunity to learn. It may feel like a huge task at first, though eventually, feeling grateful for the good things in life becomes a powerful tool in overcoming a difficult breakup with a person with whom you spent months or years of your life.
10. Be Assertive in Communication
An assertive approach is one important way to avoid future relationships that may be toxic. While it’s important to release the past and make peace with how you feel, future relationships should be focused on communication and companionship.
Learning how to communicate effectively includes making your message clear and firm so that your partner understands where you draw the line. Assertiveness is often mistaken for aggressive communication, though it doesn’t include anger or irrational behavior. Speaking assertively simply means conveying your thoughts without reservation and using a firm but respectful tone.
Gain Confidence and Learn to Enjoy Being Free
Set the standard of how you want to be treated. Any person who establishes their sense of worth from the start will attract healthier relationships. It’s important to find someone who appreciates and loves you for who you are authentically. When we settle for less than this, it may impact the success of the relationship in the long run.
There are plenty of tips and suggestions out there on approaching a new date or love interest, although communication should always be the top priority in ensuring that you find the right fit.
Tips on How to Get Over Someone: A Summary
Every person goes through a difficult grieving process after breaking up with their partner. While it’s tempting to search for an immediate solution after losing someone close or splitting with them, it is important to understand that the healing process takes time. It’s not uncommon to feel lost or maybe unworthy of another relationship. It’s important to acknowledge this time as a challenging phase that will get better over time.
After leaving a relationship behind, it’s easy to consider that maybe there are ways to reconnect or find a way back to that bond. It’s also important to realize that everyone breaks it off for a reason, and finding true love takes time, even if it seems impossible or challenging. Keeping busy with goals at work, personal milestones, and other commitments will allow you to strive ahead and improve your confidence and outlook for the future.
Embrace the Future for a Healthier Relationship
Often, the best experiences and bonds established with people are formed over time, which applies to relationships. It may seem tempting to long for past connections with people that are no longer a part of your life. However, the best bond can be formed with another person over a longer period, with transparency and honesty.
It’s best to find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not who they want you to be, which is often why many couples split in the long run.
In reality, it’s best to pursue a new relationship only when you are at a good place in life and feel free to be yourself. While breaking it off or enduring the end of a relationship is difficult initially, there are many other opportunities for future connections and a better quality relationship. So, choose to stay positive when it comes to dating and potential future relationships because this is just the beginning for you.