How do you get to know someone over text? Is it possible to know a person from the way they text? And how does a texting conversation differ from a real one?
This article will explore how to get to know someone through text.
We’ll help you start conversations, keep them going, and ask all the right questions to take your relationship with this person to the next level.
So, how do you talk to them if you two matched online and you’ve seen just pictures, or you’ve been set up by a mutual friend and heard good things?
Before we begin, understand that it’s normal to struggle with texting, especially if it’s someone you’ve just met, and even more so if you’ve never met them in real life.
As such, don’t feel bad if you lack confidence. That’s why this article is here.
Read on to find out how to get to know someone over text.
We’ll offer simple advice you can easily apply and explain why each piece of advice works!
How to get to know someone over text
How do you go from a blank text history to an entire conversation? Below we’ll offer some simple but effective tips to help you become an interesting texter and get to know your person of interest on a deeper level.
First things first, open with the formalities.
Hey, how are you?
Now, the above text may be the very reason you’re reading this article. ‘Hey, how are you?’ is a classic conversation starter, but it’s not that interesting.
If you like and want to impress the person you’re texting, you may worry that the above text is a bit… well, boring.
However, wouldn’t you say the same thing in person? You don’t need to have a hilarious joke, a crazy story, or a smooth line to begin a conversation with someone.
They’ll answer your question if they’re interested in talking to you.
‘Hey, I’m good! How are you?’
Here’s where the conversation begins.
Open-ended questions are those with no direct ‘yes or no’ answer.
Instead, they leave room for the other to offer an elaborate response.
Open-ended questions lend themselves well to getting to know someone because they often branch off into several potential conversation paths.
What book/movie changed your perspective on life?
What do you do to relax?
What’s your favorite memory?
The above questions boost your conversation’s quality. People will likely have an interesting answer and want to share it with you.
This is an excellent way to bond. It shows the other person that you’re not just testing for the sake of it and that you’re looking for more than yes or no.
Closed questions are anti-conversational. They are simple questions with simple answers:
‘Do you like chocolate?’
‘Where do you live?’
‘Did you like school?’
Closed questions have their place. However, it’s best to avoid them if you want to achieve conversational flow. If all you can think of are closed questions, consider twisting them.
Instead of asking ‘do you like chocolate?’ you could ask ‘how do you feel about sweet foods?’
Instead of asking ‘did you like school?’, try asking ‘what was your favorite/least favorite thing about school?’
Honesty is always the best policy.
You may feel nervous or stuck for something to say in the early days of texting someone. That’s completely normal, so don’t feel bad about it.
One of the best ways to get through that new-person anxiety is, to be honest about how you feel.
If you like this person and you feel a little nervous, you could express your authentic feelings by saying:
‘So I’m having fun talking to you. I like you, but sometimes I don’t really know what to say!’
That may sound like a scary text to send, but if the other person is genuinely interested in talking to you, they’ll appreciate your honesty. They may even feel the same way and be happy that you said it first.
Get to know their dislikes
A great way to get to know someone is to find out what they don’t like.
One may say ‘I like chocolate’ without much explanation, but if someone says they don’t like chocolate, they often have a reason. That reason is the next part of your conversation.
Pet peeves are traits or behavior a person can’t stand, but they don’t always bother others. For example, one may have a pet peeve about nail-biting, loud chewing, or interrupting a conversation.
So, to get to know the person you’re texting on a deeper level, ask them about their pet peeves. What irks them? What makes them cringe? What annoys them?
Of course, you don’t want to focus too heavily on sources of frustration. Still, a light-hearted conversation about pet peeves is not only interesting but incredibly funny, especially if you two bond over one in particular!
Keep it light at first
Serious conversations are best kept for in-person communication, or at least a phone call.
When getting to know someone over text, keep the conversation light.
You don’t have to play it so cool that you show a lack of interest, but take things easy.
Get to know something interesting about the person, then offer an exciting thing about yourself in return.
When you just start talking, you don’t want to ask a guy or girl about their traumas or sad things in their life.
Avoid long detailed stories and keep messages short and sweet. Don’t send one-word messages but make the conversation one the other person wants to have.
How to not be a dry texter
Texting some people feels like trying to bleed a stone.
If you want to get to know someone over text, you’ve got to up your texting game.
Nobody wants to spend too long texting a dry texter. It’s boring and makes one feel like the other person isn’t that interested, thereby killing one’s motivation to keep talking.
1. Don’t be afraid to send the first text
This shows confidence and follow-through, two highly desirable traits in a person.
2. Be specific
In your real-life conversations, you talk about a topic. A conversation may begin with ‘What’s up?’ or ‘How are you?’ but those questions will be answered.
Treat texting the same way. Lead into a conversation rather than relying solely on meaningless greetings and one-word messages.
3. Take note of details
Note the things the person texts or tells you and bring them up when it’s relevant to the conversation. If someone told you their dog has to go to the vet, follow up later by asking about the dog.
4. Don’t wait too long
You may want to seem nonchalant, not too eager, but cool. It’s wise to play it somewhat cool but remember that you need to show people you’re interested in them if you want to get to know them.
Don’t wait too long to reply; don’t leave them on read.
5. Share memes, gifs, and other fun posts
Memes are always a good choice in a light-hearted text conversation.
Sending memes back and forth is a fun game. It makes both parties laugh, which improves their bond.
So, when the topic is relevant, send them your favorite meme!
Good conversation topics for texting
Where does a good conversation begin?
Below we’ve included over 20 interesting conversation topics and personal questions to help you through your struggle and cultivate a conversation you’ll both remember.
Remember that it’s essential to find balance. Mix fun questions with personal questions, and don’t be afraid to share your answers to the questions you ask.
Fun questions to ask over text
- Who are your favorite musicians/artists?
- Do you play any instruments?
- What are your hidden talents?
- Do you have any party tricks?
- Can you describe yourself in three words?
- If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you like to go?
- Do you like to cook? What do you like to cook? How did you learn to cook?
- What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever spent money on? How do you usually like to spend money?
Personal questions to ask over text
- What do you do on the weekends? (or) What are you doing this weekend?
- What are your favorite movies? What movie made the biggest impact on you?
- What’s an important life lesson you had to learn?
- What’s your most embarrassing memory?
- Do you have any pet peeves? How do you feel when your pet peeve gets triggered?
- Do you have any pets? If not, would you like one? What pet would you like?
- What’s your most significant memory?
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever given/received?
- What do you look for in a friend?
- What do you look for in a partner?
- How long was your last relationship?
- What’s your earliest memory?
- How do you usually deal with stress?
- What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
- What three pieces of advice would you give to your younger self?
Why is texting hard?
Even if texting has overtaken phone calls, why is it harder to be interesting and engaged in a text conversation?
One of the biggest reasons people struggle to text well is because body language and tone of voice are not present. We rely heavily on body language in real-life conversations because a large percentage of communication takes place that way.
As such, processing someone’s text message means trying to figure out their tone through the words we see on the screen. That tone would be much easier to detect if we could see the person speak those words.
Still, just because body language is not an option doesn’t mean texting is devoid of honest communication. Finding interesting things to talk about just takes a little more work.
There’s no comparison between talking in person and talking over text.
In-person talking is the most effective way to bond – but if an in-person meeting is not an option, then it’s essential to know how to bond anyway.
Hopefully, the tips and advice above will help you better understand the person you are interested in.