How To Let Go Of Someone You Loved When It’s Hard & You Don’t Want To

The truth is that relationships are hard work, and sometimes, they don’t succeed and unfortunately people break-up. The average person engages in three to five relationships before marriage.

Meaning that you either have to deliver the bad news that you’re letting someone go, or someone is giving the bad news to you that it’s time to move on.

Unfortunately, this could happen three to five times, and for some people, more than the average, before you find the person you will marry. 

Marriage

Our significant other is often the most important relationship we have.

The truth is that marriage doesn’t necessarily mean everything will succeed. Although the current divorce rate is lower than in the last few decades, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.

The way society views marriage has changed. People now perceive that we are no longer obligated to stay together with someone simply because it’s what society deems appropriate.

It has become an accepted notion that true love is not enough to make romantic relationships flourish on its own.

Self-care, emotional health, and well-being have become more of a priority to people than they used to be. Being happy and single beats being miserable and in a dead-end relationship. 

Therefore, it is important to understand practical ways of how to let go of someone.

When is it Time to Let Go?

How do you know when it’s time to call it quits and go you separate ways? How do you know it’s time to let go of someone you care for that you have always had a deep connection with?

This article will dive into this topic and provide advice about what to do if you’re the one on the receiving end of the bad news.

How do you move on and let go of someone you love? How do you get over the heartbreak and disappointment and get back to living your life? Letting go and moving on from a relationship is always a tough road to navigate.

This article will attempt to help make that road less bumpy and treacherous.

The process looks different for each couple, but to free ourselves from our unhealthy relationships should still involve considering the emotions and love we have for each other as people, even when we know it is time to let go.

So that we can feel free to move on, find the right person and live the life we desire to.

Letting Go of Someone You Love

When a relationship no longer benefits either person, it may be time to say goodbye. No one wants to give up on love, but sometimes it’s clear that things will not get back on track, and a breakup is required.

You can seek all the therapy in the world, but sometimes two people who previously got along and cared for each other need to cut ties and let go.

However, it’s much easier in theory than it is to put into practice. In real life, it can be quite daunting and depressing.

Hurting your partner is the last thing you want to do, but letting go of someone you once respected and cared for is sometimes the most appropriate and kind thing you can do when the relationship no longer benefits either one of you.

You can honor the love you once shared by being empathetic and gentle in this process.

Learning to let go before things get out of hand is essential to an amicable split and in preserving your partner’s feelings as you deliver the bad news.

Related: How To Emotionally Detach From Someone: Practical Ways To Let Go 

How To Let Go Of a loved one and ultimately find love

Making the Difficult Decision to Let Go of Someone

Letting go of someone you care for is something that takes a lot of careful thought. Have you just been in a slump lately? Have you been especially stressed lately? Or do the issues run deeper, and the relationship is no longer healthy?

These are questions you need to ask yourself when you begin considering whether you should end a relationship.

The following are questions you should ask yourself and answer honestly when evaluating the health of your partnership:

  • Are we both putting in equal effort, or has one or both of us given up?
  • Does my partner love me and give me the respect and affection I need? Do I reciprocate?
  • Is this union good for my mental and emotional health?
  • How does it make me feel when I think of what it would be like to move on without my partner?
  • Do my best friend and family see relationship issues that I don’t between my partner and me?
  • Is love enough motivation for me to stay? Be Honest with Yourself

After answering these questions, you should have an idea as to what the right decision is. If you find that only one of you is putting effort into the union, then the other person has probably lost interest or given up. It’s time to consider the following:

If you aren’t getting the attention or love that you need, or if you aren’t supplying that to your significant other, is it a healthy partnership?

If your mental health is in jeopardy because of issues related to your significant other, it’s probably time to step away and focus on self-care and recovery.

 If thinking about what it would be like to move on without your significant other or even with someone else appeals to you, then you’ve most likely already left the relationship and just haven’t officially broken up. 

Sometimes we don’t even see the issues in our relationships until someone from outside the situation clarifies it or gives us a reality check.

Have people approached you and asked if everything is okay? Have close friends voiced concerns that you may be a happier person if you set about letting go of the relationship?

These are often clear signs that your current situation isn’t healthy. and should probably end so that both you and your significant other can move on and let go in a manner as healthy and amicable as possible. 

Is Love Enough?

When we’re a young age, love seems to be all we need to thrive with someone. When we become adults with careers and more responsibilities, we find out that sometimes love is not enough to stay committed in an otherwise unhealthy situation.

You can and should let go of someone you love when that person is no longer a source of happiness for you. Love, no matter how deep, should not make you feel emotions of animosity or unhappiness. At this point, you should break up. Letting Go of Someone You Love

Once you’ve given the situation an appropriate amount of thought and considered all of your options, the next step is to approach your significant other and deliver the bad news.

This is an anxiety-ridden task, and it’s nothing anyone looks forward to having to do. Just remember that after it’s done, you can both move on and find happiness and contentment in life.

Be Respectful and Kind

Keep in mind when setting about this unhappy chore that the person you are about to confront is someone who at one time meant a lot to you and still may.

You can care deeply for someone and still know that the best thing you could do for them is to let go.

Even if the two of you don’t get along now, you did at one time, and being respectful and kind is the decent thing to do. 

Be Clear and Direct

One of the worst things you can do when breaking up with someone is to be vague and indirect. If it can be done in person, that is best. If the situation is unsafe for any reason, consider having the conversation in a public place.

A breakup should only ever be done on the phone if there is no viable opportunity to meet in person. 

Text messages, emails, and any other messaging platform are not an appropriate means you set about the unpleasant chore of letting go of someone.

As uncomfortable as you may be about it, remember that the person on the receiving end deserves your best effort, even when it comes to ending things.

Ending a relationship is a process you should go through respectfully for your sake and the sake of the other person.

Don’t mince words or second guess yourself once you have decided to end things. Also, don’t suggest taking a break rather than a breakup.

Stringing someone along only causes more issues. Don’t negotiate if you’re sure of your decision. Be direct but sensitive to the pain and emotions of the other person. 

It is not unusual for the conversation to become uncomfortable. The other person may suggest that you get back together after a short break, or they may not want to let go at all.

Try to understand and be empathetic to the fact that emotions are running high at this moment. The other person may feel angry with you. They may feel genuinely lost. Be sensitive to their feelings, but don’t waiver. Your intentions must be clear.

Related: How To End A Relationship Respectfully And In The Right Way

Make a Plan 

Have a plan going into the breakup about how you’re going to exchange your belongings. If it’s a marriage you’re ending, decide on a day and time when you or your spouse can enter the home and collect property.

Ask for Help

If you are dating, maybe a mutual friend could act as a mediator to exchange property so that you and your now-ex don’t have to interact.

The best way to let go of someone and start to move forward is by doing just that. Being around each other will only prolong the hurt and eventual animosity. 

Go No Contact

Unless it is essential that you speak to your ex after the breakup, don’t contact them. No messages, phone calls, or social media interactions.

It’s time for the process of letting go and to start healing, and you can’t do that or allow the other party to do so if you continue to talk to each other. 

Related: How To Let Go Of Emotional Baggage From Relationships And Moving On

When You’re On the Receiving End

Now that we’ve gone over the steps and practical advice available about letting go of someone you were committed to, it’s time to switch gears and talk about how to go about the often more difficult task of learning to move on when you are the one who was let go. 

A breakup rarely occurs out of the clear blue sky. It can often be seen coming, or at least be sensed that something is wrong. Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that you’re exaggerating the issues and that everything is fine, but deep down, you know better. 

When the time comes, your significant other sits you down and tells you that it’s time to end things and we need to let go. How do you pick up the pieces? How do you move forward with any confidence after someone leaves you? 

This article will now go into what to do when you are faced with heartbreak. 

How to Let Go of Someone When You Don’t Want To

We try to tell ourselves when we fall in love that this person is “the one.” We wouldn’t feel love otherwise, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes those feelings of love only go one way or aren’t enough to sustain a relationship. We know this, but the risk outweighs the thought of being on our own, so we take the plunge anyway and offer our hearts to the people we have feelings for. 

It’s hard to get past when you are committed to making things work, but the other person isn’t. It’s difficult to accept.

The man or woman you wanted a future with has removed their part from the equation, and you’re left with the negative emotions that you must bear by yourself.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand what occurred to make the person feel like there was no future with you. When the dust settles, they can move on with another person, and you feel crushed.

The Stages of Grief

The CDC lists several stages of grief that people go through when we experience loss. They include: 

  • Shock or denial
  • Anxiety
  • Anger
  • Sadness

It is not uncommon to go through some or all of these stages when we experience the loss of a significant other.

When we feel caught off guard, we certainly feel shock and sometimes in denial at being let go. We can’t imagine ever being with another person, and the pain is often overwhelming.

We tell ourselves that what happened can’t possibly be real when just a few short days ago, everything was fine, and we were happy. Our significant other wanted to spend time with us. Now we’re in pain and confused, and all we can think about is getting back together.

Anxiety

Anxiety occurs when we start to realize that we have a lot of free time on our hands now that we’re single, and we don’t know how to fill the void. We want things to go back to the way they were, and because they can’t, we feel anxious.

We search for answers to our questions about the end of the relationship, but we know that reaching out to the other person isn’t a good idea. So we obsess sometimes. We may have trouble sleeping due to these feelings, and that can lead to insomnia and depression. 

Anger

Often we feel angry when our relationship ends because we feel like the other person just gave up. Maybe we feel like we weren’t treated fairly or weren’t given enough of a chance to prove that we are worthy of love.

That anger will come and go in waves every day as it hits us repeatedly that we have to reconfigure our lives to adapt to the single life.

How To Let Go Of Someone, lost love, toxic relationship, break ups

Sadness

Sadness is to be expected. Some studies claim that the average relationship takes about eleven weeks to get over while getting over a divorce can take 1.5 years or more. We do a lot of thinking. We wonder if we will ever find someone new.

We make ourselves miserable checking up on our ex on social media to see what they’ve been up to since they let go and moved on.

We torture ourselves by looking at photos from when we were happy together. We wallow. We don’t want to accept what happened, so we dwell on our sadness and can’t see any point in moving forward without the person we used to call our partner. 

Related: How To Fall Out Of Love: Why Is It So Hard To Get Over Someone?

What We Can Do to Move On

Being alone is a strange feeling when we’ve just gotten out of a relationship or marriage. We don’t know what to do with ourselves, and often we don’t have many friends to fall back on.

We tend to focus on our partner when we are in a relationship, and unfortunately, friends sometimes fall by the wayside because we get so wrapped up in love. 

Reach Out

Finding a way to pass the time constructively will help in a significant way when we have to learn to let go of someone we love. Finding someone to talk to is also very beneficial.

Having someone to listen to us and be there for us can help us to feel validated in our feelings of sadness and disappointment.

Sometimes all it takes is reaching out to someone you haven’t seen or talked to in a while. You may be surprised how many people have been in your corner the whole time that you’d forgotten about. 

Self-Care and Hope

Focus on taking care of yourself and understanding your feelings. It’s okay to get overwhelmed by sadness and admit to yourself and others that you are having a hard time. You may even truly be convinced that you will never find love again.

Every one of your feelings is valid. If you don’t have anyone close enough to talk to, invest in a journal, or type your feelings in a computer document.

Getting your feelings down on paper can help you to go and move on to a brighter tomorrow because you’ve been able to vent and organize your thoughts and feelings.

Laugh

One of the best tips that can be given when you are sad, miss someone, or feel down is to laugh. Laughter can relieve tension and stress and provide a much-needed distraction from the negative aspects of your personal life.

Take a friend to a comedy club to see a comedian perform. Watch a funny show or movie. Even watching short humorous clips on the internet can provide the boost you need to get through a rough time.

While it isn’t a cure and won’t magically enable you to let go of the negative feeling that sometimes overtake you, it will provide temporary relief. 

Join a Support Group 

Sometimes it can be therapeutic to surround yourself with others who are in similar situations as yours. People with problems related to your own often quickly form a bond and care for and support one another.

Consider joining a support group. You can meet in person or find one online. There are groups specific to any need you may have and also generalized grief and loss groups.

You may find that joining such a group will help you let go of some of your issues because you become focused on being there for others in their painful situations. 

Support groups can also give you great tips and advice on how to move past events and the situation, to accept yourself as a singular being, rather than as a member of a couple.

Seeing yourself in this light and accepting yourself is a significant step in letting go of someone you love.

Getting through something difficult in a group setting can supply you with a camaraderie so that you don’t feel alone, as well. It also allows you to properly heal without implementing a time limit on yourself.

Seek Professional Help

As with any significant issue in your life, sometimes the best way to let go and move forward is to enlist the help of a professional. Counselors and therapists who specialize in loss can be enormous assets when dealing with the loss of someone you love. 

Through counseling, things can be put into perspective so that in time, you may be able to move forward and realize that you can have an important relationship and it can be successful, regardless of whether or not others failed in your past.

We can’t go back and fix what’s happened, but we can learn from it and move forward. Professionals can give us the tools to do just that, so that we can have a mindful and better life.

Take the Time You Need

The healing process and the act of letting go take time. Whether you ended the relationship or were broken up with, it is always best to take the time you need to focus on yourself and center your thoughts and feelings before jumping into a new relationship.

It has been suggested that you should wait a month for every year you were in your previous relationship before beginning a new courtship with someone.

Even if you were the one who did the breaking up, you should still take this time to focus on exactly what went wrong, what your part in it might have been, and what led you to select a partnership that did not serve you. 

Sometimes we seek immediate companionship from a new relationship to aid in the loneliness. Still, these rebounds rarely do us any good and usually leave us feeling empty and more alone than when we started.

Give yourself the time you need to dig deep, focus on yourself and figure out what you want in your next healthy relationship and what you want from a great life. 

Related: How To Stop Thinking About Someone And Move On For Good

The Benefits of Learning How to Let Go

No one gets excited about getting over someone, but learning to let go after things fall apart does have benefits. The following are just some of the benefits when you learn how to let go of someone:

  • Better coping skills
  • A better understanding of your needs and wants
  • A deeper knowledge of who you are and what role you play in your own heartbreak
  • How to be patient with yourself and with others
  • How to manage your own time so that you don’t fall victim to chronic loneliness
  • How to entertain yourself
  • How to seek the help and support of those around you
  • Learning to love and accept yourself as an individual

Letting Go as a Learning Experience

No one goes into dating and intimacy knowing all of the secrets to success. You learn through trial and error. You will make mistakes. However, don’t let past mistakes plague you, it is important to give yourself grace when you do.

You should never try to hurt someone else. Still, when it happens, you should learn from it and ask yourself if you’re unhappy with that person or taking out your feelings of insecurity, frustration, or inadequacy on the other person subconsciously. 

Both parties, the one who did the breaking up and the one who was let go, have an opportunity to learn from each other. If possible, try not to harbor ill will towards your ex because they provided you with the experience you can take into the next relationship.

Letting go of someone you cared for doesn’t mean you have to forget they existed. The good old memories can and should stay with you, and the bad moments can and serve as a cautionary tale for your next love endeavor. 

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