How To Stop Being Angry All The Time: Expert Tips For Calming Down

Getting angry and upset is part of everyday life. We would not be human if we didn’t encounter this emotion at least once in a while.

What’s important is to let go of this anger in a healthy and constructive manner and to stop it from getting out of control. So, we often wonder how to stop being angry.

The real issue comes into play when these emotions start taking over and negatively affect important areas of your life. Such as your job and relationships with loved ones and friends.

Anger allows us the capacity to express ourselves when something is upsetting us or when we feel frustrated and are not achieving our goals. In turn, this can motivate us to take action.

However, anger can become really nasty when we allow these emotions the opportunity to manifest.

Anger has a significant impact on not only the emotional but physical aspects of our life. Too much anger within our daily lives can contribute to health issues such as cardiovascular diseases.

Controlling your anger is important because ultimately, it is only causing your health harm.

What is anger?

Anger is defined as “a primary emotion that arouses when people are prevented from reaching an important personal goal by something or someone external, or when they perceive a damage to the self,”

Why does anger come so quickly to me?

The most common cause of getting angry and riled up so quickly is because we allow our emotions to become bottled up. Anger can manifest itself in the most dangerous way when we don’t feel in control.

Addressing these issues and finding ways to deal with them is important because they can significantly impact your day-to-day life.

The importance of not taking out your anger on someone else

Besides the fact that anger can cause immense emotional distress to another person, the chain reaction it causes can be just as damaging.

It may begin with someone picking a fight with the waitress for getting their order wrong and end up with a parent screaming at their child.

These situations or scenarios ultimately end in such a way that people’s feelings are hurt for no reason, potentially even destroying relationships.

Related: Assertive Communication: Important Benefits, Techniques and Examples

Signs to look out for:

If you think your anger may be completely out of control, and you might end up needing professional help.

However, begin by taking a look at the following signs and symptoms of an anger issue and try to practice the methods mentioned in this article, as you may just be having a bout of bad days where you are just not your usual self.

1. Becoming especially angry and/or violent when consuming alcohol

It has often been said that a person’s true colors come out when they have been drinking. Whether this is true or not, sometimes a person’s behavior can become more aggressive when they have been drinking.

If you find that you are one of those people that gets angry or violent when you have consumed alcohol, this is one sign to look out for. Addressing this issue is especially important when there is a child in the house.

How To Stop Being Angry, get angry, best way

2. Struggling to compromise or coming to a mutual agreement when having a disagreement

Nobody likes it when things don’t go their way, but not being able to rationalize without getting angry may pose a problem.

Struggling to consider another person’s point of view will only prolong the argument, causing each person involved to get hurt or become even madder.

3. Avoiding people and isolating yourself

Avoiding people and isolating yourself is a clear sign of an anger issue. Being angry and alone is a common trait amongst people who tend to get upset easily.

There is nothing wrong with having a little bit of alone time; just make sure you aren’t just doing it to break away from others.

Related: Feeling Hopeless? Here Are 5 Effective Ways To Boost Your Optimism

4. Substance abuse

Turning to addictive substances is one way people tend to cope with being angry. You’ll see that we speak about it more later on in the article.

If you know that you may be relying on something to calm you down or bring you joy, you may have a problem.

Now would be a good time to address these issues. Doing this will be beneficial for both you and all of your relationships.

Related: What Are Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms And How To Develop Healthy Habits

Tips and tricks how to stop being angry

1. Recirculate that blood flow

Get up and stretch, or go for a walk. Physical exercise will increase blood flow throughout your body, which will release endorphins into your brain. A feel good chemical that will help you quickly calm down.

2. Express yourself through words

Screaming at someone may help make you feel better for a moment, but who knows how much damage that may cause the other person?

The sad truth is that words that have already been spoken cannot be taken back. Rather confide in someone that you know will keep all of your secrets – yourself. Take the time to write all of your frustrations down.

Even if you are not the most talented of writers, it doesn’t matter. In the end, it will only be for you to read. Go ahead and pour out all of those feelings onto a piece of paper.

Take out that trusty old journal with all of your ideas, rants, and heartfelt emotions. Write down everything you are feeling. Alternatively, draft an email to the person who may be getting on your nerves – just don’t send it.

You will always be able to forget an unsent email and words on a scrap piece of paper, just as soon as you press delete or throw out that piece of paper.

So, take time to read what you have said to reiterate to yourself how critical this process is. Take the time to think about the amount of damage this could’ve done if you had gone ahead with it.

Related: How to Apologize Effectively and Sincerely in 7 Essential Steps

3. Enjoy the power of music

Music has many good qualities and connotations attached to it. One thing, in particular, is the effect it can have on human emotions. Listening to music will release endorphins, increasing your serotonin levels.

A study has shown that no matter what music you listen to, it can calm you down as long as you enjoy listening to it.

A study showed that a group of participants who enjoyed heavy metal music, still managed to calm down after listening to 10 minutes of it.

So, pop on your favorite song and allow yourself to dance, sing, relax and release that build up of tension.

4. Laugh More

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and even though it may not fix your current circumstances, it can certainly positively affect your mood. 

Other great ways to laugh include, watching your favorite comedy series, looking at memes on social media or sharing a funny story with a friend. As soon as those giggles start, the frustrations will quickly disappear.

5. Meditate and Pray

Meditation and prayer is an excellent way to free both your mind and body. Meditation is essentially just breathing exercises, combined with grounding yourself and becoming focused. 

Meditating allows you to become more in touch with yourself, giving you a whole new perspective on things.

Seeing all aspects through a clear mind will enlighten you in so many ways and do wonders for your mental health.

Related: Self Care Sunday: 28 Best Tips for Focusing on Yourself

how to not get angry so often

6. See a therapist

We have all experienced those times when we went ahead and took out our anger on a close friend or relative when we were not thinking clearly.

We said hurtful things that we didn’t mean, but the damage has already been done. ‘Sorry’ may fix it but it also may not.

As mentioned, we have all behaved in such a way at one time or another. However, if this is a regular occurrence for you and almost every conversation seems to escalate to a point where you can’t control your anger. Then it may be time for you to see a therapist.

Going for therapy may be what you ultimately need. If none of the above methods have worked, go ahead and book an appointment to talk to your therapist because they will have strategies to help you deal with the root cause of the anger.

What to avoid doing if you are battling anger issues

1. Dealing with it later

It is essential not to allow your anger to manifest by sleeping on it or thinking to yourself that you will deal with it later. Not only will it blow out of proportion, but it can be terrible for your mental health and also is unhealthy for those around you.

2. Turning to addictive substances

Addictive substances consumed while in anger are not emotionally driven and not adequately thought through. So don’t reach for that bottle of wine or those drugs.

Consuming substances does not relieve your anger in any way and can ultimately lead to an addiction, causing long-term health issues for both your mind and body.

3. Keeping company

If something has made you angry and has put you in a foul mood, it’s best to stay clear of others until you have completely calmed down.

Not only because you may say something that you regret, but your body language may also paint a grim picture. Having that negative energy around others may also put a dampener on their mood.

Related: How to Connect with People: 12 Effective Ways to Connect with Anyone

4. Obsessing

Don’t allow your thoughts to linger on the issue at hand. Once you have calmed down and realized you might be wrong, then you can go ahead and make the necessary apologies. If you weren’t in the wrong, you should begin the process of letting it go.

Whether it’s your fault or not, obsessing over it is just going to make everything worse. If you didn’t do anything wrong, dwelling on the situation will just make you angrier. However, if you were in the wrong, it may start to stir feelings of guilt inside of you.

Related: How To Stop Ruminating: What Causes It & Effective Ways To Combat It

How can I cure my anger?

Anger is not always something that always needs to be cured. Anger is a human emotion that, for many people, just needs to be monitored and controlled.

Begin by recognizing what is making you angry, and take it from there. Work on applying the techniques we mentioned above and you’ll soon find that you won’t get angry at every little thing. 

Automatically reacting in anger is not a healthy way to live. Actively practice being patient and not allowing things to get under your skin so easily.

Maybe you’re just really frustrated

In some situations, it can be easy to overlook how we are really feeling in the moment. We may be angry or frustrated with ourselves but need to deflect those feelings elsewhere subconsciously.

Not being in control of the situation can create physical tension, with a primal need to blame another person or situation.

It may be time to look at things from a different perspective. Focus on what may be making you angry and stop blaming it on another person or situation.

Try to calm down, write about it some more if you need to and relax. You may find that the issue arose from something that you, yourself, have caused, and only you are able to fix it.

These issues could be caused by daily stress or being frustrated over not getting something right.

Related: Happiness is a Choice: 10 Ways to Choose Happiness Today

So take a moment, practice healing techniques and move on

When dealing with anger issues, remember first to allow yourself time to cool down and gather your thoughts before doing anything else.

Acting out can cause your blood pressure to rise, make your body tense, and send your thoughts racing, which will often only end in disaster.

We recommend taking what you have learned from this article and practicing it. Remember to keep moving forward. Being angry and staying in an angry state is unhealthy for the mind and body and highly unproductive.

Allow yourself to keep moving forward, and don’t let negative emotions hold you back from life for too long.

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