Knowing how to talk to a girl can be a nerve-wracking experience. You might be worried that you will run out of things to say, say the wrong thing, or completely fall flat on a conversation you started if she’s not interested.
It’s especially difficult to find things to talk about if it’s a girl you like or could see as your potential girlfriend.
The good thing is there’s room for error here. Good conversations don’t always have to be filled with the “perfect” things to say.
Sometimes there are pauses, and sometimes there are silences. Don’t let them deter you from trying again or moving your conversation with a girl in a different direction.
It might take a little bit of practice on your end, so be patient with yourself.
Talking to girls is a great skill to refine and figure out as you continue to date. Whether you’re at a bar, coffee shop, on a blind date, or the dog park, it’s good to have things to talk about with someone you’re interested in.
Remember that we are all human, so you might not be the only one feeling uneasy and nervous about talking to someone new. In addition, having a conversation that doesn’t go where you want it to or fails completely doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try again.
Understanding how to spark great conversations takes practice, and they start with a few simple skills that you can already have under your belt when talking.
Practical Tips – How to talk to a girl
1. Eye contact
Eye contact is important for any conversation. It shows that you are listening, interested, and actively engaged in what the other person says.
If you are constantly looking away or down, it can come off as rude and as if you are looking for a way for the conversation to end.
Maintaining eye contact when She’d talking to you because it shows confidence.
It also makes the other person comfortable talking to you because they know that they are not boring you with what they are saying.
Your body language is incredibly important while attempting to keep the conversation going.
Knowing how close you can stand and how far you can lean in is an important aspect of learning how to talk to girls.
There may be times where you are in a crowded venue and need to lean in and raise your voice to be heard. This is okay, as long as she seems to respond positively to your proximity.
Remember, some people may be shy, or they may just enjoy their personal space more than others.
Approach girls with caution and make sure you accurately access the situation, so you don’t create an awkward or tense atmosphere.
Also, know whether or not you can hug people. Some women don’t like physical contact until they’ve gotten to know you. Understand other people’s boundaries and try to respect them.
3. Body Language
Make sure you have practiced and possibly mastered the physical cues to a good conversation. Know when to give non-verbal gestures when talking to girls, such as nodding, giving noises of affirmation, and smiling.
It’s also important to make sure you have active listening skills. This includes letting the other person talk without placing judgments.
Of course, you’re allowed to have your own opinions. But if they are strong ones, you should be able to at least let the other person have their say before you come out with yours.
If you don’t understand something, make sure to clarify their statement and even rephrase it if necessary.
You can also add your own side to keep the conversation flowing. Just make sure your comments are relevant!
Bad active listening occurs when you let the other person say something and then taking the topic in a totally different direction. It’s especially bad if the conversation goes back to yourself.
You can come off self-centered and arrogant if this happens too often, so make sure you’re aware of how and if you are controlling the conversation too much.
4. Personal hygiene
You’ve heard the phrase about first impressions; they are everything. This means before you open your mouth, the girl you want to talk to is going to look at the outside and what you present to her there.
Will you give off good vibes if you’re slouched, half-shaved, and wearing a wrinkled, dirty t-shirt? Or if your hair is combed, your outfit is wrinkle-free and put together, and your breath is minty fresh?
It’s better to make personal hygiene a daily habit. That way, you won’t have to spend a lot of time and effort before you go out and try talking to girls.
Stay on top of bathing, wearing deodorant, brushing your teeth, and styling your hair. Wear cologne or body spray if you’d like. Girls love a guy that smells good.
Unfortunately, so many guys don’t understand that your personal hygiene has a significant impact on the ability to attract women.
In addition to smelling your best, looking your best will make you more confident. So put on an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and gives you the courage to talk to girls without any snags!
There’s nothing worse than wearing an outfit that looks cool but is incredibly itchy, tight, or not what you’re used to wearing.
For example, don’t wear a tie out if you’re not used to doing so. It will be written all over your face that this isn’t the norm for you. You’ll feel a lot better when you’re out if you’re comfortable. Then, you can focus on talking about things with a girl.
5. Know yourself
It’s hard to talk to other people about their interests when you haven’t even considered your own!
When you talk to girls, you want to already have an idea of what you like and what you can bring to a conversation.
You don’t want to come off as nervous and unsure because it’s harder to be attracted to a guy who doesn’t know where his interests lie.
You also don’t want to be a “yes” man or someone who goes along with whatever the other person does in order to relate and be interesting.
It’s also good to develop your own opinions. A good conversation needs a nice back and forth to keep it going smoothly.
Approaching a girl while out
Approaching a girl while you are out and starting up a conversation takes a lot of confidence. It’s scary, of course, but fear is a part of life.
Roll your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and use some of the tips below to keep the conversation going:
Talk about the venue
If you’re out at a bar or at an event with a live band playing, ask her what she thinks about the place. This can lead to great conversation.
You can keep the conversation going by offering your own opinion. If you’ve seen the band before, let her know you like them and where you’ve seen them before.
Or, if you know some fact about the venue, when it was built, what it used to be before they turned it into what it is now. You could drop that info as a conversation starter as well!
Ask her what she’s drinking
If she has a cocktail in her hand, this is a good approach because it requires an answer! Bottle beer labels are pretty easy to recognize beforehand, so it’s better if it’s in a glass for this question.
This gives you time to talk about cocktails you’ve had that are similar or open the conversation to what you usually order when you’re out if it’s different than what she does.
Again, if it goes well, maybe offer to buy her next round!
If you see something you like, don’t be afraid to tell it to her! Everyone loves to be complimented once in a while.
You can try complimenting her outfit, her makeup, or her hair. Maybe you like the color of her eyes or her smile, and that’s what brought you to try talking to her in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing this information if it’s done with a little bit of taste and timing.
Start with a joke
You can try getting the conversation going by throwing out a cheesy joke or pick-up line. Some women will find this funny and endearing – some won’t.
Often, it’s a good way to start the conversation off on a light note. You can then introduce yourself and move on to some other topics that let you both in on who you are as people.
Don’t come on too strong
Nothing will turn a conversation south faster than if you skip all the formalities and start trying to get a girl to go home with you.
You should focus on how you’re going to get to know this person, especially because not all women are looking for a one-night stand. Ensure that you are paying attention to how she reacts to you and go from there.
It’s also not good to come off as cocky and arrogant. If you approach her with an air of being too good for her, then she’ll most likely think the same thing and want you to move on.
This brings us to an important topic: body language. It will let you know if your talk is interesting or boring.
Read her body language
You will be able to tell pretty quickly if a woman is interested in continuing to talk to you.
Positive signs are that she is maintaining eye contact, smiling brightly, turning toward you or leaning toward you, laughing, and responding to what you are saying.
Negative signs are clipped tone and answers, looking away or looking at her phone, frowning, and turning her body away.
Remember her name
It’s happened to all of us before. We meet someone, get separated over the course of the night, and when we meet back up with them, we find ourselves struggling to recall their name even though it’s on the tip of our tongue.
It can be slightly embarrassing to do this, especially if you had a great or fun conversation going before.
Try your hardest to remember her name and anything else about her. When you meet her again, you can recall it, and she’ll be impressed by your memory.
For example: “Shelby, right? Yeah, you were the one who had never been to the zoo before! How are you?”
Move on if she’s not interested
Again, even though you might try your best at getting the conversation going, it’s not a given that it will go well.
If you’re reading bad body language, or maybe the girl you started talking to isn’t what you hoped she’d be, have the confidence to move on.
You might feel disappointed, but just know there will come another time for you to talk to someone you’re interested in.
How to keep the conversation with a girl going
Now that you’ve broken the ice, it’s important to have some topics you can use to get to know her. If you’re ever short of things to talk about, try some of the tips below to help your conversation stay afloat.
Good conversation topics
Talk about your day
Discussing your previous activities or things you want to do later on is not only a great starter to a conversation, but it will keep it going!
Try asking her what her day was like. Was it annoying? Pleasant? Stressful? Relaxing?
Let this lead you to other topics. If it was stressful, was it because of her job? Often, the conversation will lead itself if you let it.
Ask her about her job
Everyone has a crazy story or two about their job to share! This is a great opener to talk more about what your date does for a living.
Ask her about her relationship with her coworkers or when was the last time they did something fun at work.
You can even ask about the worst experience she had with a customer if she works in the service industry. It’s bound to bring up some interesting and funny stories!
Talk about what she likes to do. Reading, playing sports, exercising, watching tv shows or movies, and then share your own interests.
Most of the time, bonding comes easy when there are able to find common ground.
When you start talking to a girl, this is important to figure out because it tells you if your interests align enough for you two to spend some time doing those things together.
What does she want to accomplish in the next few months or years?
With this question, you can figure out if she’s someone who is ambitious or someone that just goes with the flow.
Is she currently working on herself, or is she chasing a highly valued position at her job?
As always, show interest in her answers and then tell her yours!
Goals are most likely tangible ideas that your girl can achieve. Ask her about her dreams.
If she could be anything without the societal pressure to be successful or make money, what would it be?
Likewise, you can actually talk about her dreams, as in, the ones she has when she goes to sleep at night.
These are always fun to listen to because everyone’s subconscious is different. Some people don’t remember their dreams, and some remember them clearly because they were bizarre or meaningful.
If she graduated, ask about what school she went to and what classes she took. What was her major like? What did she do after graduation?
If she’s currently in school, ask her what her favorite class is.
If she’s not in school, you can ask if she’d ever think about going back to pursue higher education. Why or why not?
Ask quick questions
These are easy, rapid-fire questions that you can use if there’s a lull in the conversation. They can be a this-or-that, a question that has a solid yes or no answer, or one that can be answered off the top of your head.
- Cats or dogs?
- Favorite color?
- Do you believe in soulmates?
- Favorite dessert?
- Favorite food?
- Beach or mountains?
- Winter, spring, summer, or fall?
- Favorite type of music to listen to?
- Love or money?
Make plans for later
A good rule of thumb is to make loose future plans. If you’ve talked about something, you both like doing, say, for example, going to the beach. Maybe ask her if she’d like to go sometime with you.
This is also a good way to judge how she’s feeling. If she seems eager, that’s a good sign things are going well and in your favor.
If she brushes off your invitation, she may still be shy about you, or she’s just not interested in hanging out again.
Get her number
If you’re interested in seeing her again and the conversation seems like it went well, as a closer, you can ask for her number if she also seems interested in getting to know you better. Social media handles are good, too. Any way that she offers for you to reach out to her is a good sign.
It opens the door for communication in the future, and hopefully, you can recharge from your conversation and have even better things to say next time the two of you meet!
Talking to a girl you like
When talking to a girl you like or are starting to date, you can up the ante a little.
This is a good time to push past the “getting to know each other” questions and try for something that gets you deeper than her surface-level personality.
What she looks for in a great guy
Though it may seem like a touchy subject and forward thing to want to talk about, it’s important to know how you size up to others.
Do you have a good chance of things going forward based on what you have to offer her? You won’t know until you ask.
Most likely, she will ask the same thing back. Women are interested to know how well they fit with a guy’s image of who he wants to date, as well.
What turns her on or off
Additionally, if you’re confident in the direction the conversation is heading, you can ask your date what turns her off and on about a guy. You might be surprised by the answers.
This is a good question to ask because it tells you what to avoid. If she says she doesn’t like hugging until she gets to know you, you know that she’d like her space next time you meet.
Pay attention when she’s talking and through the entire conversation. Make sure that you work on respecting her boundaries because you don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or feel uneasy around you, as this is a surefire way to ensure you don’t get off on the right foot.
If she says, she really doesn’t enjoy a guy that only talks about himself or “mansplains,” then you can keep that in mind while the two of you are talking.
Again, you don’t have to mold yourself into your date’s perfect man. But if you’re really interested in keeping the relationship going and developing, it’s good to think about what you are willing to compromise within your actions for her.
What her goals are
This includes long-term and short-term goals. You can try asking her what she wants to accomplish in her career, or if she’s in school, ask her what job field she wants to go into after she graduates.
When making conversation, goals are great to discuss if you are actively dating. This shows where you two might align later in life if you continue down the path of being in a relationship.
What her last relationship was like
Most of us have a terrible ex story. Use this time to figure out what you can do to not be like them if the two of you keep dating.
Let her tell the story if she’s comfortable, and don’t rag on the previous guy too much. It doesn’t look good to down the people she liked in the past because she obviously liked them for some reason.
Instead, you can try to focus on what happened in the relationship that led to their initial split and how that will help you when moving forward.
The two of you can discuss what she might like to do with you later on.
It’s important to really take note of what she thinks is fun. You don’t want to take her to an amusement park if she said she had a terrible experience there when she was younger because she’s afraid of roller coasters.
When the time is right, you can ask her on those dates she would enjoy.
Remember to focus on being direct, saying, “Would you want to go [here] with me this week?” Sounds a lot better than, “We should do that sometime.”
Being direct and confident will lead to better responses every time. Of course, you might be nervous, and your knees might knock under the table while you’re asking, but your projected confidence will shine through regardless.
Talking to girls is not something that comes easily to most.
It’s stressful getting to know someone, especially if you have a lot of interest in the person and want to see where things could possibly go.
When talking to any girl, it’s important to remember that they might be just as nervous as you are. Try to channel some sort of confidence and let the conversation flow naturally.
Don’t come off too strong, and don’t ruin a good conversation with forced topics. Focus on getting to know her at first.
Try to keep things light if you are just starting to talk to a girl. No one wants to divulge the trauma of their past on a person they just met, so keep the incredibly personal questions at bay, at least in the beginning.
Be confident and have some topics in mind that you can use. You never know where the conversation might lead you if you don’t try.