It is a tale as old as time, a girl having a mind full of burning questions but too much fear to ask them. Why is this? Possibly because many of the questions girls have, that they are afraid to ask a guy, are highly vulnerable. Whether that vulnerability comes from their connection to the boy, the one they wished they had, or one they used to have, there are a lot of emotions that can be behind even the most simple questions. This article will look at questions girls are afraid to ask guys and how to approach the conversation practically.
Why is it intimidating for many women?
Beyond the aforementioned vulnerability aspect, it can be intimidating simply because maybe the woman in question does not have much practice doing this. Or, if she does, perhaps her tactics have not yielded favorable results in the past. Either way, it is perfectly normal to feel that initial intimidation.
It is important to note also that you should isolate each instance and experience. This can help decrease that fear factor going into to. For example, most guys are going to handle a woman’s inquisition in their own unique way, so do not allow yourself to be discouraged before every new encounter just because a previous one did not turn on the way you had hoped.
Unfortunately, we don’t often hear about assertive women asking guys juicy questions confidently and without reservation and having the outcome be positive. This is undoubtedly a shame, and that is part of the reason that this stigma is being lifted. Ask anyone what one of the cornerstones of a healthy partnership is, and they are likely to say communication, but how can that be accomplished if you do not feel free to ask both the easy and awkward questions that are top of mind.
Different communication styles
We all have our own unique style of communication, and certainly, men and women have styles that can vary so much that there have been studies done on this and many books written about how to navigate this truth. However, even with your own personal style, the way in which you communicate is always going to stem from one of the four main types.
Assertive
Arguably the most clear and concise form of communication, those who have an assertive forward style can express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a way that is direct and to the point without disregarding the rights of others.
Aggressive
The opposite side of the spectrum is an aggressive style. Here users are able to advocate for their own opinions, but they often do so at the costs of others. They typically place their needs before anyone else’s and communicate their sentiments in a way that does not leave much, if any, room for discussion or disagreement.
Passive-aggressive
If you are familiar with the phrase ‘tip of the iceberg,’ you can apply that theory here. When someone is passive-aggressive, they present themselves and their message as cool, calm, and collected while internally harboring resentments and thoughts that would undermine the subject.
Passive
The main indicator of having a passive tendency is avoidance. This is when people feel such a fierce need to protect their thoughts, feelings, and rights that they do not expose or articulate them at all.
Additional types
You could certainly branch out your analysis and study some of the additional communication styles that have emerged if you do not believe that you, or the guy in question, fit into any of the four main types. If you wish to do so, here are a few styles to explore:
- Submissive
- Manipulative
- Direct
- Indirect
There is also what is known as the seven C’s of communication which would apply to any of the previously mentioned styles.
- Clarity
- Correctness
- Conciseness
- Courtesy
- Concreteness
- Consideration
- Completeness
In a lot of instances, guys prefer that a woman communicate more on the direct side of communication, but they do not always make it easy to do so. Hence the existence of questions girls are afraid to ask guys. Bear in mind that it might not always be the exact question breeding the fear, but rather the experience that occurs before and after asking it.
When to ask questions based on relationship stages
Often, what you feel comfortable talking to your guy friends about might be totally opposite of what you feel comfortable talking to the object of your affection about. This is completely normal! Girls talk to men they have romantic hopes for differently than men they don’t, and that is just a fact.
Different stages are going to bring about different levels of comfort, so try to have some patience as you determine what awkward questions make sense to talk about at what time. Additionally, guys talk to girls they view as girlfriend material differently than they would a platonic female friend.
Before the first date
If your go-to flirting move is to fire off a personal question before meeting in person, you might want to slow your roll. Not because this is inappropriate or wrong, but because the rapport and trust might not be established enough yet to generate an honest answer. This would be a great stage to test out some of your inquiries on your male friends so that you can get their perspective on how, or when, to broach the subject with a man you are interested in.
After you DTR
DTR, a modern acronym that stands for ‘define the relationship.’ Once you have established an emotional connection, one of the biggest questions girls are afraid to ask guys is, ‘what are we?’ However, once you have had that talk and understood that you are both on the same page in terms of status and expectations, you can now add another layer of comfort in terms of asking awkward questions.
When guys ghost girls, it is usually in the talking stage, so don’t feel like you have to hold back because you might scare him off. Not to mention that guys tend to want to know the same things about you as you do about them; someone just has to initiate.
In a long term union
This is a stage in which many of the fears and anxieties that surround getting to know someone are gone because you already know them. However, when two people have been together for a long period of time, there can still be awkward questions that the woman is afraid to ask the man.
As you move through life stages, you probably either grew together or grew apart, and if the latter is true, you are going to need to go back to that first date mindset and reconnect emotionally. It is also worth mentioning that thoughts, feelings, and opinions may have evolved over time. With specific regard to things like money and sex, what a man’s genuine truth was previously, may have changed with the lifespan of the union.
Examples of questions girls are afraid to ask guys
What you want to know and ask will be incredibly specific to all the details in play, such as how you feel, your future goals, and what you expect out of a romantic pairing. To make a complete list on this subject would be truly a near-impossible task, so instead, we have broken this down into categories and will provide a few common examples within each one.
1. Love
So many of the questions girls are afraid to ask guys are rooted in love and emotion.
- Do you see marriage in our future?
- Are you in love with me?
- Are you ready for a relationship?
It can be downright terrifying to know that you are in love or heading quickly in that direction but have no gauge on the other person’s pace, but asking is the best way to find out the answer.
2. Money
Finance has traditionally been such a taboo subject in general that it is natural to feel uncomfortable broaching the subject with a guy.
- How much money do you make?
- Do you have future financial goals you actively contribute to?
- What do you think is the ideal financial situation for people in a relationship?
These are some of the questions girls shy away from asking because they are not necessarily specific to the love and bond between them and their guy, but if you plan to build a future with this man, you must be able to have an open dialogue about both your financial situations, habits, and expectations.
3. Sex
Forget about first-time sex; that is its own beast entirely. But what about things girls want to know about their partner sexually after they break that physical barrier for the first time? The science of sexual arousal can be complex, so avoiding the topic could impede your overall satisfaction in this area.
- Are you comfortable with period sex?
- Does a girl’s body count impact your perception of her?
- What frequency of sex do you expect within a relationship?
Things your partner loves might be big turn-offs for you, and vice versa, when it comes to uncomfortable sex and intimacy questions. If you are able to find humor and laugh through the process, you will be able to gather information in an approachable way.
Some other general questions girls are afraid to ask guys might be:
- Should we move in together?
- Do you like my friends?
- What is the worst thing you have done inside a trusted pairing?
- Can I see your social media accounts?
- Are you attracted to my natural beauty?
A general underlying cause of many questions might either be a lack of self-confidence or the need for security and reassurance. A calm and reassured mind can make a woman happy to the point that these kinds of questions subside naturally.
How to build confidence
What happens when the questions girls are afraid to ask guys are never answered because the girl simply couldn’t find the words? Do they just go unanswered forever? In some cases, yes, unfortunately, so if you do not want that to happen to you, think about ways to build up your confidence so that you can communicate your questions in a way most guys will be responsive to.
Understanding the difference between shyness and social anxiety disorders is critical because if you feel that you fall into a category that goes beyond typical shyness, that can lead you towards an entirely different approach in terms of creating confidence in a healthy relationship.
Start with asking your guy friends; they can be wonderful bouncing boards and trusted advisors. It is assumed that you already have enough trust established with them that if you have a moment of insecurity or awkwardness, you will both just laugh through it. This way, you can get the nerves out of your system in front of a man whose opinion isn’t riding on anything.
Summary
If you live life afraid to ask guys every single question that comes to mind, you will never be open enough to get to know them and have them get to know you. The more you practice opening yourself up to what you are uncomfortable with, the more comfortable you will become over time. Guys can be intimidating, and at the same time, their typical simplicity can be encouraging.
Do not discount the possibility that much of what is adding to your fear is the narrative inside your own mind. Girls have a natural tendency to overthink, and most guys simply do not have this tendency, so take a page out of their book and just be a straight shooter. This is the best way to get answers to important questions that matter to you and can help your relationship progress forward in a healthy way.
