Getting to know your girlfriend should feel natural, but sometimes you need a little assistance in identifying the questions you need to ask. You are probably searching right now the list of questions to ask your girlfriend. When you are interested in learning more but need a directional nudge, consider preparing some questions to start a conversation and allow this article to guide you.
Why Communication Matters When You Have Questions?
If you ask questions to your girlfriend, the objective is clearly to understand and know who she is based on her answers, but you are also creating a communication style for your relationship. Having questions to ask is great, but what comes next? Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship, but what exactly does “good communication” mean?
The Elements of Healthy Communication
Knowing that you need it does not mean that you will automatically have it. Think about the following elements of healthy communication and how you can put them into practice in each area of your life, and not only when you have deep questions to ask.
People in a healthy relationship talk all the time—real conversations and not just small talk. They make a point throughout each day to connect with their partner in a significant way. Of course, there will always be casual conversations, such as dinner meals and television programs to watch. Still, those small but frequent check-ins lay the foundation for healthy communication during challenging and serious discussions.
We are all busy, and in today’s world, society demands that we all go at a mile per minute speed as a default setting, but this does not support healthy communication patterns. When you have deep conversations and ask deep questions, conversation needs to be your priority. When someone is having a vulnerable moment, it can damage their self-esteem and trust level to see the other person’s attention fade away.
Strong communication is tailored and has intent. Even if you are exchanging fun questions back and forth, when your dialogue has a point to it, you are both going to get more out of the conversation. This kind of conversation will help create a deep connection and create a pathway of ease for both individuals to bring up specific topics because the underlying theme of specificity already exists.
Some other buzz words for fostering strong, healthy, sustainable conversation habits within your relationship are:
This might seem like a lot, but the most challenging part is getting started as with any habit. If you make it a priority to care about how you communicate, the skills will build on one another, and you will be effectively communicating in no time.
Deeper Questions to Discuss
When you love someone, you want to know everything about them, which certainly includes having deep conversations about learning these things.
Asking someone about their biggest fear or anxiety is insanely intimate. When you ask your girlfriend about this topic, you show her that you are not just in it for the lighthearted moments. Encouraging her to open up to you through questions of this nature will create emotional intimacy and build trust.
2. Past Relationships
Not everyone wants to open the ex-files and talk about their last relationship right off the bat, but often, understanding what previous relationships meant to your girlfriend can help strengthen your relationship with her. Ask your girlfriend how certain events made her feel, what she would have liked to be different, and what makes your relationship unique—understanding how and why the past relationship ended can help the two of you avoid a similar fate.
3. Favorite Childhood Memory
If you want a piece of your girlfriend’s future, prioritize your girlfriend’s past. This can be a light conversation starter that can lead to more serious topics as it evolves—learning what makes her unique will likely show you why you like her so much.
Our childhood holds so much information about who we are as adults. For some people, how they grew up laid the groundwork for them to be confident, successful, and emotionally intelligent. While others, unfortunately, had the opposite experience. Her parent’s relationship might also be a key indicator of how she sees love, what her expectations of a relationship are, and why she handles conflict in a specific type of way.
5. Romantic Goals
This does not have to be about your relationship, but rather how she views love in general. Does she believe in soulmates? Is she open to living together outside of marriage? You do not have to share the same opinions, but understanding each other’s goals and preferences is critical, so that you are atleast on the same page.
6. Personal Aspirations
Ask your girlfriend what she sees when she looks into the crystal ball of her future. What elements does she consider essential for a happy life? Deeper questions like this can, and potentially should, include topics like marriage and children. These are two of the biggest non-negotiables for almost everyone, and it is vital to express your stance on them freely.
7. Professional Goals
A person’s career, work ethic, and overall approach towards their professional life are significant parts of who they are. You should ask your girlfriend deeper questions that go beyond “what do you want to do?” Think about questions like:
- What career do you want to have in your life?
- What contribution do you hope to make through your work?
- What is your ideal company culture?
Ask specific questions about her professional goals with the intent to know her on a deeper level. Asking these types of questions will allow you to understand your girlfriend even more.
Fun Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
While deep questions will always be important, make room for silliness inside your relationship. Here are a few unique questions to ask your girlfriend that are lighthearted.
- What was your most embarrassing moment?
- What is the weirdest thing someone has ever gifted you?
- What is the lamest pickup line you have ever heard?
- What would you do if you won a million dollars?
- Would you enjoy it if someone threw you a surprise party?
- Who would you be if you could be any fictional character?
- What is your perfect Valentine’s date?
- Do you prefer a dog or cat person?
These sample questions are cute and just a couple of examples, but the theme is clear. Plus, you are spending time together, enjoying each other’s company and conversation, which is always a good thing.
Secrets and Sex Questions to Ask
Once you two are at a point in your relationship where intimate questions about sex feel comfortable, respectful, and appropriate, these talks can be fun and flirty while exposing you both to the most intimate viewpoints each other has. Even sharing one secret that only you two know can bond you significantly.
You can talk about her first kiss, what makes her feel sexy, or how well she keeps secrets. You might learn that you both like, or dislike, the same things in bed, and what started as back and forth dirty questions could be what brings you both the most satisfaction.
Respect and privacy when discussing personal experiences are typically expected. Listen to each other without any judgment. Also, do you know what privacy means to your girlfriend specifically? If you do not, do not hesitate to ask her. Knowing where to stand in your relationship with her is critical. Sometimes these guidelines are the first questions to ask before you get into other meaningful questions.
Relationship Questions to Ask about Support
When people are in a relationship, they need to feel supported by the other person—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Support is incredibly unique, and what makes one person feel this may not apply to everyone. Ask your girlfriend how she best receives this and talk with each other about integrating it into your relationship.
Expectations and Boundaries
Unfortunately, sometimes we do not find out about a person’s boundaries until we have crossed them. Asking hypothetical questions can help get this information out in the open before someone else’s feelings are hurt, or an expectation is unmet.
What does your girlfriend expect from you emotionally and physically? If you do not know the answer, ask her. Failure to meet expectations can lead to resentment, which is one of the leading causes of failure in any relationship.
- Does she expect you to contribute in a certain way financially?
- Does she expect the frequency of physical intimacy between you two?
- How much involvement with her family and friends does she expect you to have?
Asking her expectations about these topics will help you understand if you need to discuss them with her and agree on one thing. Remember, her stand on certain things might be opposite to what you want—no one is expecting you to be a “yes” man to your girlfriend.
The “lines” that lay between two people are super unique to them as a couple. What was appropriate for one of your past lovers may, may not, be suitable for your current one.
- How do you feel about sharing locations on mobile phones?
- How would you feel if I spent $20 of yours without asking?
- How much contact do you think is ideal when we socialize separately?
You can certainly see how some of these topics could lead to hurtful feelings if they only come up in an argument.
Fight Style and Conflict Resolution
Knowing what makes someone mad is one thing and knowing how they handle it is another thing. Maybe, for example, there is one word that is so damaging to your girlfriend that she needs it to be off-limits. Learning about your girlfriend’s fight style may have to happen organically, but you can also find questions to ask in advance of a fight to at least give you a sneak peek.
One of the best deep questions to ask your girlfriend is how she feels after resolving a conflict and the process to fix it. Does she want space? Or is she the type who needs to talk about things immediately? These are opposite actions, so if you can learn something like this initially, you are setting yourself up for healthy conflict resolution skills for the long haul.
Love is mushy, it is cute, it is vulnerable, and it is undoubtedly romantic. If you want to ask interesting questions with a romantic theme, think about the five love languages to get you started.
You may be wondering what the five languages of love are.
Well, the Five Love Languages is a concept developed to help people understand how they best receive love and how their partner does. The intent is to understand your partner’s love language and adjust accordingly to provide it to make her feel loved.
Consider romantic questions that you can ask your partner in relation to the five love languages below.
1. Acts of Service
Acts of Service is when someone best feels, or gives, love through essentially helping to lighten the physical load of their partner. This can look like anything from making the bed every morning to doing the weekly grocery shopping to being the household’s agreed-upon financial controller.
Ask your girlfriend how material gifts make her feel. Some women genuinely feel the most amount of love when their partner has picked something tangible out for them. People who identify gifts as their love language enjoy the most thoughtful gift. Things like flowers for no reason, being brought their favorite take-out coffee as a surprise, or being whisked away on a planned and paid-for vacation.
3. Physical Touch
Physical Touch can mean everything from the most vulnerable moments of sexual intimacy between partners up to touching your partner when you do simple things, such as watching television, driving around, and even hugging your partner when sleeping. People who rank high here enjoy physical affection as much as they require it to feel loved.
4. Quality Time
As busy as people are these days, all time matters, but not all time is quality. You might live with your girlfriend, but still, be like two ships passing in the night. Ask your girlfriend what her ideal picture of time spent together looks like. If quality time is her love language, she probably will ask for things like dedicated date nights, spending time unplugged from electronics, and creating traditions centered around time spent.
5. Words of Affirmation
Verbal reassurance is the main theme here. Ask your girlfriend how it makes her feel when you say things to her like “I appreciate that you always take the dog out” or “you are doing a great job of making our home comfortable“—these verbal affirmations will make her feel that you notice and appreciate her. On a more serious note, you might consider assurances like “I love our life together” or “you are enough for me.“
Do not discount the fact that you can ask your girlfriend strange questions that seem far off from reality as another way to get to know her better. Sometimes, the questions are considered weird, which leads to more serious questions about perspective and opinion.
Aliens and Paranormal Activity
This can be a polarizing subject. Traditionally, someone either believes or does not. Either way, it can be a strange way to talk about a topic viewed from multiple angles by many people.
Would You Rather
Instead of asking pointed questions, pose the issues to your girlfriend in a would-you-rather type format. This might be considered a weird way to talk about things, but they can also give a solid first impression of her feelings about something clearly and concisely. Here are a few examples:
- Would you rather live in outer space or under the sea?
- Would you rather give up sleep or sex?
- Would you rather cook or clean?
- Would you rather take frequent vacations or live full-time in paradise?
- Would you rather be the lead in romantic-comedy or horror films?
The combinations are endless, and you two could volley back and forth for a lot of time with this rapid-fire strategy.
A person’s passions are a huge part of what makes them. Encourage your girlfriend through questions to share what her passions are. You might learn that she loves animals, leading her to work at shelters since she was young. Or maybe diversity and inclusion for people with disabilities hold a special place in her heart.
The specific passion itself is not important since there is no right or wrong answer here. Instead, you will discover how your girlfriend includes her passion in what she does today and if she has hopes or expectations for your participation in her passion.
There are likely some passions that she has that are less serious. Maybe she loves to bake and uses that time in the kitchen to feel creative, disconnects from life’s responsibilities, or uses baking as a way to show her love. Or maybe she has a sports team that she is a die-hard fan of. It could be her alma mater, hometown team, or that of a sport she used to or currently plays. Pay attention to the things that make her energy and emotions rise—these are likely her passions.
Passions certainly make someone tick, but so do pet peeves, only in the opposite direction. You might think you know what your girlfriend’s pet peeves are, and even if, for the most part, you do, you might still consider asking her. This does not mean that you need to change many things about yourself and how you manage things—it only gives you awareness. An example could be, feeling irritated when people do not bring their cart back to the proper receptacle at the market.
Questions between you and your girlfriend will come and go and happen all day, every day. While not each one has to be deep and turn into a massive conversation of substance, some should, and some should not. Bear in mind that various communication strategies will provide you both with the best opportunity for a well-rounded knowledge of the other person.
Asking questions is intentional and shows your girlfriend that she is important to you, including how she sees the world and responds to many things. As you grow and learn in love, pay attention to some of the things your younger self might have missed, then work diligently to include them in your partnerships as an adult.