When someone falls in love, it can often be hard for them to see the other person’s flaws. There may be red flags in a relationship but love has a way of making us minimize the issues and overhype our partner’s positive attributes. We tend to make excuses for them when friends and family show concern, and we turn a blind eye to our partner’s negative behavior.
The truth is that no one wants to see a new relationship go south. However, if you want a healthy relationship, then there are warning signs that you cannot afford to ignore.
What Are Some Of The Red Flags In A Relationship?
It’s important to identify red flags in a relationship before we invest so much time and effort into it. This will save you from potentially being stuck in a toxic relationship because the deeper you get, the more excruciating it will become.
Below are some warning signs to look out for:
1. They Move Too Fast
We’ve all heard of instances where two people meet, and one of them can’t wait to meet the parents and formalize things as quickly as possible. Yet, it is important to be cautious about being with a partner who wants to meet your family within weeks and wants to move in within less than a month.
Moving too fast is a major red flag. You two need time to get to know each other-warts and all.
Most people tend to show their finest aspects at the beginning of a relationship. However, as time goes by, it becomes difficult to hide the imperfect sides of us. Relationship experts strongly suggest that you should date someone for at least 1.5 to 2 years, so that you can really get to know each other. This provides plenty of time to see any possible red flags and signs that you may miss if you rush into things.
2. They Can’t Stop Telling You How Perfect You Are
When someone is constantly telling you how perfect you are, it may sound awesome at first, but there’s something amiss when you have a partner who’s put you on a pedestal. The issue is that nobody’s perfect. If your partner doesn’t really see you for who you are but takes you as a projection of some perfect idea they have in their mind, anytime you shatter their perfect image by being normal, then it will complicate the relationship.
When someone puts you on a pedestal, they make you suffer because you’ll bear the pressure of submitting to their unrealistic expectations. You simply don’t want that in a relationship.
Related: Signs You Should Stay Away From Someone: What To Do About Toxic People
3. They Describe All Of Their Exes As “Crazy.”
Some relationships end so badly that we are still bitter at an ex two or three years down the line. Yet, if your new partner is constantly demonizing their exes every chance they get, then it’s a clear sign that they more than likely are the problem.
4. Their Attitude Changes On A Dime
You don’t want to be in a relationship where your partner’s moods oscillate from charming to threatening. If they spend time being cruel to you and nearly pushing you to your emotional limit, then abruptly turn on the charm without any apology or explanation for their behavior; this is a major red flag.
Perhaps when you start to enjoy their good moods, they suddenly turn sour. That’s the kind of individual who will drag you into a toxic relationship.
Related: 20 Steps How To Fix A Toxic Relationship & Toxic Patterns In Your Life
5. They Cheated On Their Last Partner With You
When your partner cheated in their last relationship with you, it doesn’t mean that you are better than their last partner. It means that they have an issue with being faithful, and in time they will do the same to you. It’s a good idea to learn a little about the other person’s romantic history because there may be a likelihood that every relationship they’ve had overlapped with the next one-in which case it’s obvious they’ll do the same to you.
6. They Push Your Physical Boundaries In “Innocent” Ways
Does your new partner constantly tickle you even when you tell them to knock it off? Do they continue to touch you in seemingly innocent ways that make you feel uncomfortable or like they don’t regard your personal space? (Like they repeatedly poke you or give you shoulder rubs and hugs).
This might be a sign that they don’t respect your right to your own body, and they could try to push those boundaries even further in the future.
Related: How To Stay Away From Negative People And Their Toxic Behavior
7. They Try To Drive A Wedge Between You And Your Family And Friends
Avoid dating someone who wants you all to themselves 24/7. Anyone who constantly demands that you stay away from your friends and family members does not have your best interests at heart. It may start innocently. For instance, they might say, “Why don’t you stay home tonight, so we can hang out?” or “I’m going to miss you so much, I just want my baby beside me.”
At first, you might feel flattered and think it’s puppy love when you hear those words, but the reality is that you should be running for the hills. Such a person may lead you into a toxic relationship that you’ll struggle to get out of because they’ll isolate you from your friends and family members. This is also a sign of someone that is controlling.
8. They Roll Their Eyes At You A lot
Research shows that rolling your eyes at someone is a common sign that your relationship is in danger. It seems obvious because mutual respect is a major foundation of a happy relationship. But often times it’s not, as most people put up with this gesture thinking that they’ve just irritated their partner and everything will be fine. But the reality is that anyone who frequently rolls their eyes at you, does not hold you in high esteem.
Related: Toxic People: Definition, Examples And 5 Ways To Deal With Them
9. They Call You Names In Arguments
Be cautious of someone who seems to flip a switch and call you names when you disagree with them in an argument. If your partner becomes incredibly harsh and nasty whenever you disagree, then this is a red flag, and you should call it quits before you get in too deep. Such a habit can be a sign of disrespect and shows that the person has poor conflict resolution skills.
10. They’re Secretive About Little Things
If they are secretive about little things, imagine how they’ll respond to big things. It’s important to learn the difference between privacy and secrets. Overall, secrets undermine trust in a relationship. Remember that you only have one life to live, and you can’t afford wasting it on a relationship where your partner constantly keeps secrets from you.
Related: How To Stop Blaming Yourself: 7 Practical Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty
11. They Have No Work Ethic
You may meet someone who is behind when it comes to life milestones or seems to be struggling to get their affairs in order. What’s worse, they may not even show an ounce of concern about it. Is it that they are completely unmotivated (which is a red sign), or are they behind because of a big setback or sacrifice that they had to make in life? After all, we all move at our own pace.
Or, is that person working hard every day to build the kind of life they want for themselves? Take some time to understand what their work ethic is like. The last thing you want is to be stuck with someone who doesn’t value hard work, who you will have to support and baby for the rest of the relationship.
12. They Are Cruel To Their Parents
Everyone experiences bad days with their folks at times, but keep an eye out for someone who has a fundamental lack of respect for their parents (unless they have experienced abuse from their parents, in which case it makes sense why they struggle to be nice to them or maintain communication with them).
If they can be super harsh and ungrateful to the people who gave them life, then it reveals that they potentially have a significant personality flaw. Such people are likely to treat those who get close to them badly.
Related: How To Let Go Of Someone You Love: Easy Steps To Make It Through
13. They Guilt Trip You Every chance They Get
Some people have a way of making their partner feel guilty for any issue that shows up in the relationship or for any misfortunes that they may be experiencing or have experienced. Such a person will cause harm your health, as they’ll constantly make you feel bad whenever they get the chance.
14. They Demand Your Phone, Email And Social Media Passwords
When a partner demands you phone, email or social media passwords, it is another red flag. Think about it, why would they want to date someone that they don’t trust? And what does that say about the untrustworthy habits they may be passing on to you? Checking your email and social media in peace is your right, and no one should take that away from you or use that to control you or the relationship.
15. They Have Different Financial Values Than You & Refuse To Do Anything About It
One of the red flags in a relationship that’s constantly ignored is when the partner has different financial values than you. We all have some deeply held habits that we got from our parents, and if your financial values differ from your partners, it is possible to find a compromise. But some habits are a huge red flag, and it is important not to ignore them.
For instance, maybe you value saving money, but your partner wants to buy every luxurious item that they can get a hold of. Take time to talk to your partner about their financial values before clashing with them in the relationship. The truth is that financial differences can cause many issues throughout the relationship.
Related: How To Deal With An Emotional Manipulator: 5 Ways To Protect Yourself
16. They Refuse To Make The Relationship Public
Why would anyone want to refuse to make public something that brings them so much joy? If crime documentaries have taught us anything, partners who insists on keeping your relationship private are up to no good.
Yes, some people don’t like splashing their personal life online or even talking much about their feelings or relationships with friends. However, that’s a significant contrast to hiding a partnership from their family and the world, which is about as glaringly a red flag as it can get.
17. They Make You Feel Stupid
The last thing you want is to be dating someone that’s constantly gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a red flag that you can easily spot; for instance, do they regularly mock your ideas or refuse to take your opinion seriously because they don’t value your ideas?
It’s important to note that narcissists or highly selfish people are good at gaslighting. They try to make you doubt yourself and make you feel like you’re crazy. There are a variety of ways that they can do this. For instance, they may minimize your concerns or ignore your opinions. They can often accuse you of “overthinking” or “overreacting.” Another technique is that they counter everything you say. They’ll question your memory, make up new details, or completely deny that something happened.
People who are gaslighted end up doubting themselves. They start to question what they remember, what they did and what they said. Such a life is a mental hell, and it’s an emotional rollercoaster that you’re better off without.
Related: How To Love Yourself Completely: 8 Ways To Fall In Love With Yourself
18. They Need Constant Reassurance
We all experience insecurity at some level, and it’s no one’s fault for feeling that way. But no reassurance from your partner will ever be enough because those issues come from within the person. When it looks like the other person is overrun with insecurities, then such negative energy can easily dictate their relationship.
An example of an insecure partner is one who has no outside friends or interests. He never mentions any friends and doesn’t hang out with anyone but you. Outside of work, it doesn’t seem like they have any interests or hobbies.
Another example is when your partner professes their undying love for you right off the bat. That’s crazy talk! It’s your second date, and you two need time to know each other. Saying the “L” word too soon is a red flag.
19. They Have A Different Idea Than You Of What It Means To Be Faithful
What if your partner thinks it’s totally okay to hook up with someone else, as long as they aren’t in love with them? Or what if they think that it’s fine to have intense emotional texts and conversations with someone provided they never physically cheat? Maybe they want an open relationship, and you’ll never be okay with that idea. These are issues to look out for because they will only end up causing you pain.
It is important to find someone who has the same understanding of faithfulness then you do.
20. Something In Your Gut Just Feels Wrong
What does your gut feeling tell you about that relationship? Do you feel that your partner is controlling and doesn’t support you? Do they seem abusive, or have you already experienced abuse from them? Is there a lack of trust in the relationship, or do you feel like they lie and hide things from you?
It’s important for you to take a step back and observe the relationship. Write down elements of your partner’s behavior and see if you have compatible values. If the signs are there, then it is important to reconsider the relationship. It may look like the relationship is working, but if your gut tells you something’s wrong, you’re probably right.
Related: What To Do When Someone Lies To You In A Relationship: Practical Tips
The Bottom Line
We all want to end up with the right partner. However, it’s unwise to settle for a partner who exhibits most of these red flags. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can change the person. Therefore, sticking around and waiting for their behavior to change is a waste of your time.
In most cases, the above-mentioned relationship red flags and the people who have them rarely change for the better. In fact, it’s only a matter of time before things take a turn for the worst. Heed the warning, and you’ll save yourself from a heart break.
