When it comes to the dating world, we all want to know if someone is interested in us. We look for signs, hints, and affirmations that our interest feels the same way about us as we do about them.
However, it is just as important to know the signs of a lack of interest. Does she like you, or does she only see you as a good friend? Knowing whether or not she is interested helps you redirect your attention elsewhere so that you do not waste time holding out for a romantic relationship that is just not meant to be.
This article will cover the most common signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Remember that we are talking about relationships as a commitment in this article. Many people choose to explore dating and romance causally, and sometimes that causal approach involves times of disinterest.
Equally, someone may be interested in you romantically or sexually, even though she may not want to have a relationship or commitment with you. Knowing the signs that she does not want a relationship will help you decide how much or how long you want to pursue this person. By knowing that a relationship is not on the cards, you can let go sooner, move on, and increase your chances of finding someone who wants a commitment or tries a relationship and sees how it goes.
8 clear signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you
So, how do you know if she wants a serious relationship, a casual partnership, or nothing at all? How do you tell if you are just a friend to her or if there is potential for something more? Consider the following tell-tale signs.
1. She doesn’t reach out first
Are you always texting or calling first? Are you the one who always makes plans? Do you wait for her to reach out to you, but she never does and only talks to you when you instigate a conversation? If that is the case, it sounds like you are not a priority for her. Of course, she might be friendly and happy to hang out when you reach out, but if she never instigates a hangout or a conversation, then it is important to consider if that is a dynamic you want in your life.
This article is about whether she wants a relationship with you or not, but you also need to consider if you want a relationship with her. Do you want to be with someone who does not make an effort to reach out to you?
2. She always cancels plans
When you two arrange to go on a date, a trip, or just hang out, does she follow through, or does she always cancel? While we all have a right to cancel plans if we cannot make them or even if we simply change our minds, someone interested in taking things further will make an effort to follow through on your shared plans.
Do not jump to conclusions about her interest level if she sometimes cancels plans. Life can get in the way of plans, especially in the early stages of dating when we do not fully know the other person just yet. Still, if she cancels more plans than she meets, that is a sign that you are not as high on her priority list as you might want to be and that entering into a relationship with this person may not be the best idea.
You might find yourself making an extra effort by reaching out all the time and organizing your days so that you two can meet up. The problem with such an approach is that it can be overkill. Too much active interest when she is not returning that same energy sends a message that you do not respect yourself, typically seen as an unattractive or undesirable quality.
It does not matter how attractive or appealing a person is. If they do not reciprocate your energy, they are not a good match for you. Moreover, the more effort you make that is not reciprocated, the more likely you are to experience resentment for the one-sided nature of your shared dynamic.
3. She says she doesn’t want a relationship
This is the most obvious sign, but somehow, we struggle to accept it. Some of us believe that when a woman explicitly says she does not want a relationship deep down, she wants us to prove that we are worthy partners.
Sure, this might sometimes be the case, but it is generally better to take such a statement at face value. If she says she does not want a relationship, that is her choice, and it is not your job to change her mind. If she says she does not want a relationship (but she does) to test you or force you to prove yourself, that is her problem. Instead of making you jump through hoops or play games to get there, the mature approach would be to let you know what she is looking for.
4. She doesn’t take an interest in your life
It is easy to get swept away by those lovely, pleasant, heartwarming feelings that arise when someone shows us attention and affection. However, just because someone shows physical interest or is all about us for a short time does not mean that they will feel that way forever.
We can all meet someone we find incredibly attractive, funny, smart, and other desirable adjectives and get lost in them for a while, but such interest is often temporary and fades. As such, the woman of your interest might give you some attention now, but that could fade. It takes some time to know if someone is interested in a genuine relationship with you, and vice versa. That is why it is important to avoid jumping into a relationship too quickly.
The problem that arises when those initial feelings of attraction and excitement fade are that the person may no longer take an active interest in your life. You could still be interested in them, their work and projects, families, hobbies, and so on, but they may not feel as interested in those aspects of your life.
Again, there is nothing wrong with that—we are not entitled to everyone’s attention and interest. Still, that means that it comes back to you. It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with someone who does not have much interest in your life outside those parts that benefit them directly. Hopefully, you made a wise choice.
5. She keeps seeing other guys
If she keeps her options open even when you are dating, she may not yet be ready for an exclusive relationship. If that is the kind of relationship you are looking for, it is wise to wait for someone ready to stop seeing others. Bear in mind that she might tell you she is ready, and she may believe that herself too, but actions speak louder than words.
Some people like to keep dating other people to test a potential partner. This is an unhealthy approach to love and romance, but it happens, so it is wise to know about it. One might date others and blatantly tell you about it to see if you get jealous, whereby they view jealousy as a sign of real interest. If you can, try not to fall into this trap. Someone who plays with your emotions to test you is not someone you should enter into a relationship with.
6. She acts hot and cold
One day you are talking and having a great conversation, and the next day she acts like she does not know you. Sound familiar? If she is hot and cold with you and you can never predict how she will be, she is probably not interested in a relationship with you. Do not take it personally. Sometimes people are not suitable for each other, and sometimes relationships do not happen for the greater good.
7. She ghosts you
Ghosting is a tell-tale sign that someone does not want a relationship with you and a sign you should not ignore. Ghosting is the act of ignoring a message and never replying or completely disappearing from your life without much explanation. There are many reasons people ghost, and they are not all bad, but it is unlikely that a healthy relationship will develop from it when this happens.
8. She keeps you in the friend zone
The friend zone does not refer to male-female friendships. Some guys complain about being in the friend zone with women who were nice to them at one time. That is not the friend zone.
The friend zone is a type of limbo space in which your feelings for her are obvious, but she keeps you at arm’s length. She is hanging out and having fun with you, but she knows it will never become anything more. Instead of letting you know that she is not interested, she continues to hang out while knowing how you feel about her. There is nothing wrong with being friends with someone you like, but knowing when you are waiting or exerting effort for nothing is important.
Signs she is secretly attracted to you
Remember that just because she does not want to be in a relationship with you, that does not mean she is not attracted to you. Relationships are a serious commitment—sharing time, space, and energy should be respected and maintained. As such, you cannot blame anyone for not feeling ready for that kind of commitment, even if you have already been dating for months.
While she may not yet be relationship-ready, some signs indicate her attraction to you. She might not even want you to know how much she likes you, but some signs can help you figure it out. Knowing and noticing these signs is helpful because they let you know if and when to approach her about it.
Some of the most common signs that she is secretly attracted to you are the following.
1. She’s excited to see you
How does she act when you show up to a group setting or when you two meet up? Is she excited to see you? Of course, friends are always excited to see each other. However, another level of excitement shines through their behavior if she is attracted to you.
How does her behavior change when you are around? Does she come and talk to you as soon as you walk into the room? Does she fix her hair when she looks at you? Does she tell you that she is looking forward to seeing you? These are potential signs that she is interested in being more than friends.
2. She looks at you from across the room
When we like someone, we want to look at them. When we speak to them, we make eye contact, admire their features, and pay considerable attention to the conversation. However, we also like to steal glances from across the room. So, if you see her secretly looking at you, most likely, she is attracted to you.
3. She opens up about her life
It is a great feeling when the person we like is there to listen to us about our feelings and emotions. If she likes you, she might be more open and vulnerable towards you than others. She might feel safe talking about sensitive topics and sharing intimate stories of her life with you when you are together.
4. She uses open body language with you
Communication goes far deeper than the words we use in conversation. We convey an incredible amount of information about our thoughts and feelings through our body language. Our posture, facial expression, tone of voice, and even whether or not our arms or legs cross out the body often reflect an internal state or emotion. Fortunately, we can learn to read this language and use it to understand how someone feels about us.
If she directs her body towards yours when speaking, maintains eye contact, looks at your mouth when you speak, or fixes her appearance when she sees you, she might have a secret crush.
Far too many men spend time chasing women who do not want to be with them. It happens to all of us at some point—we meet someone we like and imagine how great things would be if we could be with that person. The problem is that we often get stuck in our fantasy that we ignore the signs and red flags in front of us. Only you can break the cycle and start seeing people for their behavior rather than the ideal projection we place on them.
Knowing the signs that someone is not interested in a relationship helps you make wiser choices around how you spend your time and effort regarding your dating life. Remember that people are complex, so the signs outlined above will not always indicate that she does not want a relationship. It is up to you to have that conversation with honesty and authenticity and let the other person know what you want.
The best way to know if she wants a relationship with you is to discuss it and see if you are both on the same page. Finally, if the object of your desire does not feel the same way, remember that plenty of other women will appreciate you and want to be part of your life in that way.