Do you ever run out of things to say to your boyfriend? Do you feel uncomfortable with those awkward silences? If so, we’ve got you covered.
Struggling to start a conversation with your boyfriend is a strange feeling. This is someone with whom you share trust and intimacy, but sometimes conversation runs dry, and we find ourselves in the classic awkward moment without anything to say.
You know his life story and preferences, and you’ve already discussed your dinner plans. What is there to talk about when you don’t have any more to say?
Below we’ve included a list of 40+ questions and conversation starters to help you and your boyfriend overcome that awkwardness and get the conversation rolling again. We’ll give you ideas on what to talk about with your boyfriend.
Before we jump in, remember that when you don’t have anything to say, that’s fine. It may feel awkward, but silence is completely natural.
What to talk about with your boyfriend
So, where do you even begin when the conversation runs dry, and you need a conversation starter? Below we’ve included topics, questions, and other fun things to discuss with your significant other.
Fun questions to ask your boyfriend
The conversation doesn’t have to be serious. The following is a list of fun questions to ask your boyfriend when you don’t have much to talk about.
- If you entered a dance competition, what song would you dance to?
- What’s a lame joke that you secretly find hilarious?
- If you could choose two superpowers, which two would you choose?
- What are your favorite boys/girls’ names?
- Which embarrassing moments from your life still play in your head?
- What’s the spiciest thing you can tolerate?
- What’s your most memorable vacation?
- What activity would make you stop everything else and do it if the opportunity was there?
- Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a woman? What do you think your life would be like as a woman?
- Who was your very first best friend?
Honest questions to ask your boyfriend
If you’ve been with your boyfriend for a while now, you may already know the answers to these questions. However, if it’s a new or long-term relationship but you don’t know these answers, try them out.
You’ll need to ensure that the dynamic is healthy and trusting because these questions are personal. Enter a safe space with your boyfriend and bring up these questions and topics to start a personal and honest conversation.
- What is a brutally honest truth about yourself that you don’t usually share?
- Would you change anything about your childhood?
- What was your dream job when you were a child?
- What’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had?
- Do you want children? How many?
- Can you see yourself getting married someday?
- What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?
- What’s the most wonderful dream you’ve ever had?
- What’s something you were blamed for but was someone else’s fault?
- Have you ever been betrayed?
- Have you ever betrayed someone?
- Have you ever had to keep a big secret from someone?
- What’s the best relationship advice you ever received?
- How do you think your parents’ relationship influenced your view of love?
- Which of your family members are you closest to?
- Have you ever had to ‘break up’ with a friend?
- Do you have any big regrets?
Debate questions to ask your boyfriend
Finding something new to discuss can be incredibly challenging when you’re so close that you know his cousin’s pet’s middle name.
One of the best ways to spark a new conversation is to debate a topic. Find a topic on which you share different views, and explore each other’s stance.
Debating and arguing on both sides can lead to amusing banter and laughs that will relieve the tension you felt when you had nothing to say.
The following are exciting debate questions to help you overcome the next long silence.
- How do you think media shapes our view of love and relationships? Consider tv, movies, and music.
- What are the differences between fathering and mothering?
- If humans achieved immortality, would you sign up? Why or why not?
- Do you think video gaming is healthy or unhealthy?
- What do you think about online relationships?
- Do you think people eventually become one of their parents?
- Do you think religion is important for children?
- What’s the best pet?
- What are the basic conditions for a healthy relationship?
- How do men vs. women deal with heartbreak?
- What is the difference between a mother-daughter relationship, a mother-son relationship, a father-daughter relationship, and a father-son relationship?
- Can long-distance relationships work?
- Do you think a person’s music preferences influence their behavior? If so, in what way?
What to say to your long-distance boyfriend
Some say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Others say out of sight, out of mind.
Long-distance relationships can be tricky to navigate. You love each other and try to make the relationship work, but the distance between you is not easy.
If your boyfriend has had to move for work or study or lives far away, it can be hard to know what to talk about.
You don’t have new shared experiences, and you may find yourself rehashing old topics and questions.
Consider the following suggestions to help keep the conversation fresh and exciting.
- Write a letter to your boyfriend. Include what’s been happening in your life lately, how you feel about him, and sentiments about your relationship.
- Keep him updated with new activities, hobbies, and friendships.
- Discuss plans for when you two see each other again.
- Express your gratitude for his long-distance love
A hallmark sign of a healthy, mature relationship is when partners don’t need to talk and reassure each other. Instead, they understand and trust each other, believe in each other’s love, and allow for natural, healthy distance and mystery.
Why don’t I have anything to say to my boyfriend?
Not having anything to say to your boyfriend may make you wonder what’s happening. You may think, ‘has something changed?’ ‘Will we ever have something new to talk about?’ You may even ask yourself, ‘what’s wrong with me?’
Conversations naturally stop and start, so if you don’t have anything to say lately, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.
However, some underlying issues or resistance may prevent the conversational flow. Consider the following potential reasons why you don’t have anything to say to your boyfriend.
Discomfort with silence
The most significant issue when you struggle to say something is discomfort with silence.
Were you to relax into it and not associate silence with being boring, awkward, or a sign of lacking communication, you can allow the silence to exist and enjoy the conversation when it naturally starts again.
When you don’t allow silence and search for something to say to avoid that silence, you become more anxious and cause undue stress on yourself.
Allow yourself and your partner to experience the benefits of moments of solitude.
If you don’t have too much to say to him lately, don’t fret. There are many reasons why couples struggle to converse.
Long-term couples have known each other for a long time, and sometimes it feels like there’s nothing more to learn. Understand that there is always more to know and that we can never fully know another person.
Even shorter-term couples who have spent much time together may run out of conversational energy and need to refresh with silence or some healthy time away from each other.
Lack of authenticity
One reason why you may struggle for something to say is that you’re not being authentic. You may want to convey a particular image of yourself to your boyfriend.
That’s normal but can become unhealthy when you don’t allow your genuine thoughts and feelings to exist and instead suppress them in favor of something more pleasant or easy-going.
“No one man can, for any considerable time, wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.”Nathaniel Hawthorne
The healthiest relationship is one in which both partners are free to communicate and express their authentic selves.
When one partner suppresses their authenticity, they may want to express a feeling or thought but fear the consequences. That suppression can result in having nothing to say.
Nothing seems sufficient as a replacement for what you want to express.
It may sound daunting, but next time you struggle for something to say, why not say just that?
Why not talk about the fact that you don’t know what to say? Talk about the concept of conversation, meaning, purpose, and why people sometimes don’t have anything to say to each other.
Lack of trust and security
Branching off from inauthenticity, sometimes you don’t have anything to say because you don’t feel safe or secure enough to speak your truth.
Unless you and your partner have developed a trusting, compassionate, and understanding relationship dynamic, it may not feel safe to express your deepest thoughts and feelings.
When these thoughts and feelings come up but don’t feel safe talking about them, you’ll become acutely aware that you’re not talking about anything.
One of the most significant communication issues is trying hard to find something to say when you have nothing to talk about. As mentioned earlier, such awkward silences can be deeply uncomfortable.
That discomfort can be challenging to tolerate, so many of us cope by scraping the bottom of our conversational barrel and bringing up something to talk about.
Such an approach to the conversation often backfires – a random question may have a simple or basic answer but may fall flat after a moment or two, and you’re back to where you started.
Instead of coping with discomfort by pushing conversation, practice authenticity. If you don’t have much to say, you don’t have to say anything.
If your relationship is healthy and mutually understanding, your boyfriend won’t blame you for not talking. It’s not unreasonable to expect a partner to let you enjoy the comfortable silence.