Have you ever met someone with whom you have a profound connection but don’t know why?
Your emotions run high, you connect with this person deeply, and you’re grateful that they came into your life. You wonder how this person you may have just met has already impacted your life.
It’s as though you two were connected in a past life.
This article will explore why we sometimes forge powerful and deep connections with others.
Why do I feel a strong connection with someone?
A strong connection is about more than the physical.
Physical connections are common, but a real, heart-to-heart connection is rare.
There are billions of people on this planet, but in one’s life, there are only a few people who touch our hearts. But how do those who manage to reach deep into our souls get there in the first place?
1. Validation
Author and researcher on mental health and emotional well-being Brené Brown writes:
‘I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.’
Brené Brown
Often, that deep connection we feel toward and with another person stems from the space between us.
We all need to feel seen, heard, and valued. This is a basic need, and we suffer when it’s not met.
Sometimes, when we forge a strong connection with someone, it’s because they meet those needs.
That connection can feel even stronger if others in our lives aren’t meeting those needs, such as an overly critical parent or a neglectful partner.
2. Complementary personalities
Some people work well together. When two complementary personalities exist, there is often an instant connection.
Perhaps one aspect of your personality complements one of theirs, such as your insight, attitude, and sense of humor.
Maybe your calm nature helps them let go of stress, while their strong work ethic motivates you.
Humans are inherently social beings. We thrive in communities by offering each other support, food, and shelter.
A lonely human is one at risk.
In communities, complementary personalities make the whole function. One’s weaknesses are another’s strengths, so when we work together, we’re more likely to succeed.
Complementary personalities that happen on an individual level can bring two people incredibly close. It feels as though this is the ‘right person for us.
3. Similar experiences
Even when we tell our life story to a friend, partner, or other trusted person, there is often a sense that, even though they listen, they don’t understand.
That’s not their fault – some experiences just can’t be explained by words alone. As such, if you meet someone who has been through similar life experiences, you may be closer to them than someone who has never had those experiences.
4. You feel free around them
Most of us wear a public mask. We’re one way at home, another when we’re at work, and another when we go out.
Social masks are common and useful but restrictive.
Sometimes when we feel a strong connection with someone, we don’t have to hide. We feel free to be and express our authentic selves because we don’t feel judged by the other person.
They offer us a space to be ourselves and experience all our joys and sorrows in their compassionate, judgment-free company.
5. You play an important role in each other’s lives
Sometimes, people enter our lives for a short time but leave a lasting impact. Occasionally, people enter our lives and stay for longer than we ever could have expected.
Other times, those people enter our lives for a reason, and vice versa.
As mentioned earlier, humans are social beings. We enter and influence each other’s lives to help each other learn and grow.
So, perhaps this person with whom you feel such a strong connection is someone who plays an essential role in your life?
6. They offer something you lack
Consider a woman who feels neglected by her boyfriend, a man who travels a lot for work and is not attuned or emotionally present when he comes home.
Through no fault of her own, she will naturally feel a connection to an interested friend or acquaintance who offers her those things her boyfriend lacks.
This third party plays a role for her – someone to validate, see and hear her. She may then worry or fret over her connection with this man and feel guilt for her boyfriend.
She’s worried because her feeling for the other man feels incredible.
Even if these two people don’t cross any physical lines or boundaries, there is an undeniable emotional connection. Such a connection is all the more enjoyable given its forbidden nature.
7. You share meaningful conversations
You may feel incredibly connected to this person because you two go deep in conversation. Research proves that meaningful conversations lead to deep bonding.
But what is a meaningful conversation?
Meaningful conversations go deeper than surface-level topics like the weather or an opinion about a tv show. An honest, genuine, deep, and meaningful conversation involves active listening, mutual respect, and self-disclosure.
Often in conversation, we don’t listen. We think of a response, then wait until the person is finished speaking before we offer it.
Real listening is not waiting for your turn but being present with the other person in each moment. It requires a level of respect that is free of judgment and unconstructive criticism.
Self-disclosure is when you reveal personal and intimate information about yourself, your thoughts, your past, and your feelings. It’s letting the other person in on who you are.
Since we often wear masks to protect ourselves from the outside world, moments when we unmask and connect with a real person feel incredibly significant.
When you feel a connection with someone, do they feel it too?
Just because you feel connected to someone, does that mean they feel the same way? Does the connection go two ways, or is it just you?
Very often, when we feel an emotional connection to someone, they feel it too. Sometimes we experience unrequited feelings for others, but if you have a deep sense of emotional and even spiritual connection with someone, it may be because that energy exists between you two.
That means that they’ll also sense it.
Just because they sense it doesn’t mean they are entirely aware. Sometimes when we perceive an emotional connection forming, we back away because we fear intimacy or commitment.
If you feel a strong connection to someone but don’t seem to feel it back, they may have chosen to shut it down on their side.
Below we’ve included a list of signs that this person also feels the connection.
Signs they feel a strong connection to you
How do you know when you have developed a deeper connection with someone? Here are some evidences that you have a strong bond with that person.
1. They care about your needs
Someone who feels that same connection will care a lot about your wants and needs.
You’re important to them, and this connection is special, so they’ll do whatever they can to ensure it stays strong.
Of course, be mindful of those who strongly connect with you when you don’t feel as strongly toward them. Some people want to maintain a connection so much that they prioritize their wants and needs over their own.
Such is not a healthy relationship dynamic, and even though it may be abundant in attention and affection, do not get lost over those things.
2. They listen
Deep, active listening is a sign of respect and genuine connection.
We often find ourselves in a conversation where neither party listens, just using the other as a sounding board.
If this person senses that deeper connection, they’ll forget the need to always speak and respond and instead be happy to sit back and listen.
3. They’re happy to see you
An obvious sign that this person feels the same way about you is that they’re happy to see you when you two hang out.
Perhaps they smile a lot when you talk to them or notice their mood change from bad or neutral to good when you two hang out.
4. They speak about the connection
The most obvious sign that they feel the same connection is if they speak about it.
Sometimes a connection is so strong that it’s hard not to talk about it.
Often such a person finds it hard to explain how they feel about you and the connection, so such a conversation may seem awkward and difficult.
However, if you both feel the connection, the awkwardness of the conversation doesn’t matter.
Should I explore the connection?
If you feel a connection with someone, explore it.
That’s what life is all about. Sometimes we dismiss a connection because we think it’s silly or because we feel guilty about how other friends will feel.
Remember that it’s rare to connect with someone on a heart level, and there’s no guarantee that this person will be in your life forever.
You can spend your whole life doubting and wondering about these connections or explore them when they come and learn about yourself.
Conclusion
All the signs of a mutual connection outlined above may not apply to your specific situation, but, most of the time, the reason for such strong ties is outlined above.
However, sometimes it’s just unexplainable. We feel connected to someone who, on paper, we can never imagine we’ll feel related to, where even a certified relationship coach or a relationship expert can’t tell you why.
Hopefully, you found this article genuinely helpful. Having strong feelings for someone, and sensing a deep connection unlike any before, can be confusing.
It’s incredibly confusing when we’ve just met the person.
Maybe you met them yesterday or last week, just a few minutes compared to your whole life, but the connection is strong.
If you can, try not to feel overwhelmed or be compelled to have to do anything. Be mindful, be with it, and explore how you feel.
