Just when you thought that the ghoster had vanished forever, your phone suddenly interrupted your busy day with “Hey, what are you doing?” This article will shed light on why ghosters keep coming back. We will explain what is happening in the ghoster’s mind when they first ghost and decide to reach out again. This will help you better understand why ghosters always come back after their sudden disappearance in your life and what to do about it.
Why Do People Ghost?
Getting ghosted can be incredibly frustrating, and it is all too common in the world of online dating. When it happens once, you might think of several reasons the person decided to vanish. You might even give them some leeway, such as maybe they had some personal issues or felt anxious about your strong connection and felt too overwhelmed to continue.
Still, no matter what a person is going through, it is always important to let the other person know about their decision to stop talking or going on dates. Ghosters may have a reason for why they vanished, but it is important to understand that there is no acceptable reason to treat you disrespectfully.
Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back
There are several reasons a ghost reappears. As frustrating as it is when they return, it may help you let go if you know why they are doing it.
1. Ghosters always come back because they want attention
As simple as that, sometimes the ghost is just not getting the attention they so desperately need or want. This is especially true when the ghost is a narcissist. Narcissists behave as if the world revolves around them and they constantly need attention from others, or else they are faced with their buried feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem. Nobody likes to feel unworthy, and none of us want others to feel that way, but texting you after ghosting you just because they want attention is childish and should not earn a response from you.
Do not blame yourself if you fall into the trap of entertaining them. Sometimes ghosts can be very entertaining. That is part of their charm and how they can get people to like them immediately. They can make you laugh and make you doubt the negative feelings you previously had about them. Still, be cautious. If the ghost has only returned for more attention, they will likely disappear again.
As such, do not get your romantic hopes up when the ghost returns. It is easy to doubt your own intuition and fall into the trap of thinking that things might work out this time around, but imagine how painful it will be if they ghost you again. You do not have to shut down emotionally, but remember to be mindful of their past behaviors and do not let yourself waste any more of your precious energy on this person. If they are genuinely interested in establishing a connection with you, they will go the extra mile to do so.
2. Ghosters always come back because they are narcissists
Narcissists suffer from a grandiose sense of self, including entitlement and a need for admiration. Even when they behave disrespectfully, they expect others to respect and admire them. If you have been dating a narcissist, they might wake up one day and realize they are not interested in you anymore. That happens, and it might even happen to you some times, but how we deal with losing interest in someone is more important than the loss of interest in the first place.
The narcissist, who characteristically lacks empathy, will not feel the need to let you know that they have lost interest. Moreover, they will not have the level of empathy necessary to realize that texting you after weeks or months of ghosting you without an apology or excuse is not fair. They will expect you to carry on like everything is normal and may even blame you if you make an issue out of it.
3. Ghosters always come back because they do not see their mistakes
Some people simply do not have the emotional maturity required to see why ghosting is a bad thing. Much like narcissists, they may act shocked or surprised when you call them out for ghosting you. They will try to claim that there was nothing wrong with what they did or say that they are glad you enlightened them, tell you that they are not the same person anymore, and promise not to do it again. The problem here is that when someone promises to make a change, we are likely to forgive them.
However, what does this do to the dynamic of this potential relationship? Would you not rather be with someone who already has the emotional maturity of someone who understands why ghosting is unfair? Would you not rather be with someone you do not have to explain simple morality, instead of playing the role of teacher to the other person?
4. Ghosters always come back because they got rejected
The ghost may have returned because, at the time that they ghosted you, they were chasing someone else. It may even be months later when they reach out to you again, with the sorrow of being rejected or dumped by the person they ghosted you for.
Since they want some emotional gratification and are not returning because they suddenly realize your value, they might end up reaching out to you even if they do not plan to talk to you for more than a night or two. This is an even further hint of narcissism—they go back to people in their past for gratification when someone new rejects them.
5. Ghosters always come back because they want a quick ego boost
If someone likes you, they will go out of their way to be nice to you, compliment you, and make you feel good about yourself. The same applies when you like someone. So, knowing you like them, the ghost may return just for a quick ego boost. They want you to pay attention to them, to give them emotional or physical affection, all so that they can feel that temporary pleasure. Maybe you even have some mutual friends, and they just want to make sure that they do not get a bad reputation in their social circle.
6. Ghosters always come back because they realize they made a mistake
Sometimes we ghost others because we have a potential connection with that person. That can be frightening and confusing at times because when the idea of a serious relationship is on the horizon, we might feel like we are not ready. If that has ever happened to you, remember that you are a human being, and you will naturally be frightened by big emotions.
As such, some of us choose to unhealthily and disrespectfully cope by ghosting. In some cases, however, someone who ghosts can realize the error of their ways. Weeks or even months can pass before the ghost realizes that the connection with you was not all frightening and that they are finally ready to try to have a relationship with you. They realize they genuinely miss you, and they are genuinely interested in seeing where the connection might go.
It is always up to you to allow a ghost back into your life or not. If you think the ghost genuinely feels bad, and underneath this mistake, you believe they are a decent person, a nice person, then you may very well want to give them another chance. Still, by no means should you feel obliged to take them back just because they made an apology.
Nevertheless, you might also understand the reason behind a ghost’s behavior because you have done it yourself and want to give this person a chance. Again, that is up to you. Still, if they ghost you more than once, take that as a sign of emotional immaturity and seriously evaluate whether or not you want that person in your life.
How to Respond When a Ghoster Comes Back
There are a few approaches to how you should respond to ghosts. There is no perfect way to do it—it depends on the situation, your feelings, and how they come back. Below we have outlined some common responses, so read through the following and see which might work best for you.
1. Do not respond
It can be tempting to jump at the chance to get closure when a ghost returns. We figure that the frustration and abandonment we felt, though challenging, may be resolved if we could get an explanation. However, when someone disrespects you, sometimes it is simply best not to give them another chance to do it again. That is a slightly pessimistic approach to take, but is this person really worth it? Did you think they could have been the one? Did their ghosting behavior influence your opinion of them? Could you not text them back and give them a taste of their own medicine?
2. Can you explain why you ghosted me?
If you truly feel like you need some closure, then go for it. Upon the ghost’s return, reply with genuine, well-thought-out questions about their behavior, and ask them why they ghosted you. It might feel awkward, and if they texted you with a cheery “hey“, you might not want to change the tone, but that is people-pleasing and does not serve you well. In life, you are more than entitled to change the tone of a conversation if you so wish.
Ask the ghosts why they did what they did, and let them give you a proper explanation. Here you will see their level of emotional maturity shine through. If they are immature, they might not even text you back or might explain but do not mean what they say, including the “sorry” they might send you. Let them give you an explanation, and remember, you do not have to just forget what they did. You deserve an explanation, and you do not have to give them another chance to ghost you. It is now up to you whether or not you want to be involved in the ghost’s life.
3. I felt disrespected when you ghosted me, so I do not want anything more. Have an amazing life.
Sometimes you can pay it forward to others who may be ghosting victims by replying to the ghost not to meet up again to let them know that their behavior was unacceptable—that you will not put up with it. You do not want anything to do with them, but you are mature and kind enough to let them know about it—leading by example. You do not have to make it a big deal. You can play it cool by letting them know the facts that they disrespected you, and you will not allow it to happen again. Goodbye.
It can be hard to stand your ground when a ghost returns. If you have already shared some intimate moments, then you might want to feel that warm fuzzy feeling all over again. However, it will be more painful if that person ghosts you again. As such, it is wise to be cautious. Ask for an explanation why they ghosted you, and try your best to discern whether or not it is genuine.
As for why ghosts always come back, they do not know what they want. They think they want attention, so they come to you—the person who gave them so much attention. They want to feel better about themselves, so they come to you seeking forgiveness. They want comfort, so they come crawling back to your caring nature.
If you take anything away from this article, understand that you do not owe ghosts anything when they return. Your energy and emotional well-being are far more important than a ghost’s behavior. Talk to them again if you want to, but do not feel guilty for simply cutting them out of your life.